the smell of the daffodils is alluring
and seeping through my veins
this beautiful flower ever standing out
dancing in the wind
along is sister rose, sister sunflower, sister tulip, and brother dandelion
sister rose is the most gracious of them all
her petals is soft and red like blood
her thorns ward off any curious being seeking to separate her from her siblings
sister sunflower is the most open of them all
she is always standing out and so cheerful
facing the west sun and her seeds is nutritious and delicious
sister tulip is also beautiful too
she knows how to draw eyes to her own inner beautiful
and not as red as her sister
last and least of all, brother dandelion
his roots must remain on the ground or to be swept away by the wind
blowing his pollen to the scattered earth
quite protecting his sister
also warding off unknown beings giving them allergies
but the daffodil smells of sweet perfume, jasmine roots, and sugarplum
Author notes
ichigosama
A contest entry
- If You Live and Breathe Poetry......enter by poet2angels.
725 points, ended June 18, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - NATURE POEMS, PLEASE by Olivias Violin.
400 points, ended July 8, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FLOWER,BLOOM,BLOSSOM by Rhythm Child.
400 points, ended March 16, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me - nature poetry by arnica karuna.
675 points, ended June 14, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think? please, don't be too cruel; nobody's perfect.
Comments
-
Yours is a rather descriptive account of flowers. I liked it. Sunflowers are my favorite ones. I love red sunflowers and yellow roses- rare they are, but beautiful.
My favorite parts:
"the smell of the daffodils is alluring
and seeping through my veins"
"sister sunflower is the most open of them all
she is always standing out and so cheerful
facing the west sun"
and here,
"sister tulip is also beautiful too", you've probably overlooked the use of repetition. I suggest: "sister tulip is also beautiful too"
But then again, change it only if you want to because every poet has her/ his own distinct style.
Otherwise too, the poem is beautiful! Cheers, and good luck for the contest.
-
creatively written
"sister sunflower is the most open of them all
she is always standing out and so cheerful
facing the west sun" - These are some of my favorite lines
-
pretty poem...I love flowers
TY for entering
Lynda
-
OOER
its very nice, although on line 11, i believe, the one about the tulip, you used 'also' twice almost consecutively, i would see if you could change that...but other than that, good write, and good luck.
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