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wait

i stand here
waiting
but for what?

he cant see me
and i don't look he's way
yet i wait

i stand here in the dark
confused and blind

he doesn't know what he wants
and i'm right in the middle
just waiting

when i go to him
all i do is confuse him
he doesn't know what to do

i stand here waiting
for something that might never happen
yet i wait

i hope....i think....i wait

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • ParadiseSeeker
    June 25, 2008
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    good write, Em. i don't know why i've taken to calling you that...n e ways, good write! it kinda leaves the reader feeling the hopelessness and frustration, loss and pain that the speaker seems to. watching from afar can leave one feeling quite empty and confused. best of luck!


  • bookbandit
    June 5, 2008

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    i no who ur talking about jackson!!! lol and waiting is probably the quickest route to madness. but madness inspires good poetry!!! lol ttyl and u better txt me over the summer!


  • DrownInImperfection
    June 4, 2008

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    ugh jackson, it's hard to read first of all. second of all, your editor is here to save you from the evil misspelled words. how long is it going to take you to realize that "his" and "he's" are two different words. you always spell his as he's. argh. you drive me insane. i don't even get to talk to you enough anymore to have the slightest idea of who you are referring to in this poem. so i'm not even gonna embarrass myself with trying to take a guess. you'll have to tell me. good write as always. gotta go, have an assembly. toodles.


  • aeolia
    June 3, 2008

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    Waiting is so inspiring, isn't it? I don't aim to offend, but this could definitely be helped by poetic devices (imagery, metaphor, allusion, etc) and stronger diction, because while this is certainly a good basis for a poem, it falls flat. You've simply told us that your speaker waits, which isn't as effective as a poem written with poetic devices in mind.

    Here's a good resource:
    http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0072405228/student_view0/poetic_glossary.html

    -Cristina

    PS: The font colour is really hard to read with the background; just thought you should know!