In the corner
too deep to see,
staring with eyes
that watch and envy
every passing moment,
every passing person.
The deserved happiness
is left forgotten
in the shadows
of the unforgiving earth.
Across the room,
there is a corner,
another corner,
another fear,
another face,
staring at the world.
The hand reaches
with a soft moon light
shining through the cracks
of the sealed corners
in the locked souls mind.
Warm and forgiving
it gives another chance
at living,
another reason
to go on,
from the two forgotten corners,
they find that they
are not alone.
Author notes
4. In your poem, be my friend and tell me you don't fear me, then tell me that I should stay by your side or whatever. Good luck with this one.
Its not fear you are reading. they just don't understand, sometimes they need help too.
username: Chocoholic156
A contest entry
- Social Phobia by Kyo-N.
900 points, ended June 5, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deep Poetry For Lonely Person by Redeemed15.
425 points, ended August 7, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Year. by alexandra..
900 points, ended February 17, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Freeverse Galore by OurxBeginning.
2800 points, ended May 24, 95 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? How can I improve? What was your least favorite part? Your favorite?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is sad, however, I am glad to see some hope in this as well. I'm sure many have felt this way before, I know I have. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Thanks for entering, but you didn't put which option you chose in your author notes like I asked
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This is ad but beautiful and I like the way you have set this up. It lends power to the message in the poem. The ending leads one to believe in hope again. Nice write and thanks much for entering my contest. Blessings, Patty
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This is very very deep, I must say it confused me alittle and could have been better in the punctuational and structure point of view.
thanks for entering
-kitty xxx -
beautiful
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With all the contests listed good luck in them I am looking at this under the Fear contest. An interesting take on the prompt 'fear' always good to see the different interpretations. Good Luck.
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Everyone needs an understanding and willing to help friend. great write. i luv these lines
it gives another chance
at living,
another reason
to go on,
from the two forgotten corners,
they find that they
are not alone. -
Very nice
-
wow
that really made me think!
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Repetitions, short lines and nice words said... reminding me of Massive Attack songs, which is very nice. A nice poem, indeed, maybe you should try and add background music, if able to.
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