It followed me into my dreams
And now my skin is peeling.
I can’t think straight
I can’t think straight
And this pain I always feel is starting to hurt
And I feel
Every
ounce of it
There’s a pressure building,
Something I can’t release.
My thoughts are in a Ferris wheel
Reeling out of control,
Making my head spin.
I’ve wrapped myself tight,
Tight against the world.
I’m tired of this circle.
I feel my insides eroding
And I’m not sure why –
Why can’t I control this?
Why can’t I control?
Everything looks like my enemy
What made me so frightened?
I shake
And light another cigarette
And I’m past the point –I know it’s not helping anymore
But I kill myself some more [anyway]
(Why isn’t it working this time?)
Music sounds dead
I can’t hear it anymore.
Can't really think of a good name - that's always the hardest part, any suggestions? Also just general feedback muchly apprciated
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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consider some revision. i like your tone, but you seem to get scattered, lose focus towards the end. good job, though.
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Interesting metaphore...and you have done well with depth as it made me kind of sit and think a bit after.... All around a good write in my opinion.
I really do like the current title. Usually though when I am on the fence about a title I almost always end up changing it. What about Fear of Ferris Wheels ??
...but seriously, Im not sure if I personaly would even change it! SO basicly this comment here isnt exactly going to help...but I'd like you to know I tried.
Jamie
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Good emotion. Nameless fears are always the hardest to deal with. All in all a very good piece.
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Good expression of emotions (some of which I can relate to)
It's great that you've started to write again; I look forward to reading more of your work.
Wishing you all the best on your journey
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I'm not sure what theme you were aiming for but to me, it's about someone suffering and going mental? I don't know ^^'
But I like the lines written here since the persona gave his/her descriptive thoughts in a panic and calm way for the reader to follow and be a little terrified, too n.n
I pretty much can't suggest an alternative title for this coz the current title looks fitting to the piece, anyway
Nice write, all in all
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Thanks!
I think it was just a streaming of my conscience from a bad day - I had had one of those horrible dreams that stays with you all day and I suffer from IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and it was so bad that day and I was also suffering from anxiety! What a lovely mixture haha. Well this is what comes from that, I guess.
Thanks for your comment
xoox
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