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a bamboo curls











a bamboo curls
around another
the snake sleeps














A contest entry

Critiques appreciated!

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Comments


  • myron silver member
    June 29, 2008

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    excellent

    Oh yes, I love this modern haiku! It has excellent imagery and a wonderful juxtaposition.

    I particularly like the fact that the middle line works so effectively as a pivot because this makes me see the haiku in two ways - the first way is that a bit of bamboo has somehow curled itself around another piece of bamboo and the second way is that a snake is curled around some bamboo.

    very impressisve.

    best wishes,
    myron.


    • between slices
      June 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      ah, been a while!
      thanks so much myron!
      the pivot was exactly my intention.. i'm glad it's easy to read.
      thanks so much for your comment! it's appreciated very much!

      bless ya!


  • azure85 gold member
    June 5, 2008

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    a bamboo curls
    around another
    the snake sleeps

    Very nice use of the scenes of nature, and the comparisons between the bamboo and the snake are good. Thank you so much.