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The Visitor

I watch the moon rise into my sight
the sound of the breeze moving branches like chimes
the night is my time to explore and reflect
to take the memories with me into better times

the loneliness of one set beneath the stars
a halo of my fingers forming on the window
i look out into the distance and see the figure move
like a shadow in smoke across the landscape of the meadow

like silence in motion the figure moves up my bedroom wall
the scent of a blackened soul in my vision
i feel him close the distance as he slips into my room
my eyes closing burning in his evil precision

as if floating my body before him frozen
the screams in my mouth leave as whispers in a hurricane
my master has arrived the moon now behind the clouds
his touch searching me into ecstasy within the pain

i try to fight it a statue of soft flesh he molds at whim
almost laughing he knows i am his to bend at will
like lightning under my skin i feel the rush flow
like a puppet he twists my strings as my desires fill

i am lost now there is no where for me to run
captured like a reflection in the lake
i cannot refuse him now that he has control
released i yield limp as ripened fruit begging him to take

the ceiling spinning or is that just me beneath him
time means nothing now he has begun to transform
i can only deliver myself into that place that protects me
pierced by soft steel i am locked to his embracing storm

i exist now an instrument he plays with gentle power
notes fast and hard consumed in the echos of my breath
i feel the explosion as im melted to his flesh
like a lost angels feather i float into my little death

Author notes

Darkwell

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • BearWoman gold member
    April 18

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    Lovely, dark, and sensual

    A lovely, sensual piece with consistent voice.

    Nice imagery: "like silence in motion", "the figure moves up my bedroom wall", "the scent of a blackened soul", "like lightning under my skin i feel the rush flow"

    "i can only deliver myself into that place that protects me": Lovely! And then followed by: "pierced by soft steel i am locked to his embracing storm": so sensual! With the following "i exist now an instrument he plays with gentle power / notes fast and hard consumed in the echos of my breath / i feel the explosion as im melted to his flesh": mmmm... makes me want some o' that.

    Line 16 "his touch searching me" -> "searing"?

    Line 20 "like a puppet he twists my strings as my desires fill" consider: "as a puppet he twists my strings w hile my desires fill"

    Line 21 "no where" is one word unless you are using it intentionally as two (it works well there as two words)


  • poetrandy
    November 11, 2008
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    WOW!

    This is very fine! I didn't know DP could be so Pretty? Great job!


  • Ntagatf
    September 21, 2008

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    Outstanding, i loved it!!! didnt catch me in the begining but def. by the end! Left me wanting more, which is how all great work should be! Thank you for entering my contest good luck and keep up the great work!!!!


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Last stanza - "breathe" should be "breath."

    Otherwise, great write.

    I'm sort of wondering if the secret is the sexual relationship itself, but why hide it? What reasons are there behind the secrecy? (obviously there could be many, just curious as to which ones apply)

    Definitely intense.


  • Camille Morin gold member
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is one of the greatest pieces I have read. Your imagery is captivating.
    "like lightning under my skin i feel the rush flow
    like a puppet he twists my strings as my desires fill"
    Beautiful work.


  • Florida Sunshine
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow- that is sad, powerful and full of emotions. It has a way of burning into your soul touching the very core of your being.

    It scares me to think -- of the meaning, behind of the poem. How much is you as personal expericance and how much is the prompt.

    The pictuere is beautiful. I really like it alot. I think it could even give me inspiration to write on it. -- It really can be taken so many directions.

    Congrats on the trophies-- I enjoyed reading this a lot and for your first poem in the AP it is extrodinaire~


  • FloridaGatorQueen silver member
    July 29, 2008

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    This is my third time reading this and I am still in awe and speechless. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.


  • Luckintheshadows
    July 21, 2008

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    WOW! this is such a brilliant write. I just love the emotion that flows from this, the kind of love and loathing that intermingle and create this darkly passionate piece...I just don't really see the "rape" element of this...perhaps your words are just so beautiful, but I DO think this poem goes so well with the picture.
    Thanks for sharing, and taking the time to enter my contest,
    Luck.


  • Deaths Desire
    July 16, 2008

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    great

    hmm i truely dont know how my last comment got like that so sowi im repoasting: very powerful last verse great work !!! much luck in the contest

    annie


  • Deaths Desire
    July 16, 2008
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    very fowerful last stanz

  • FloridaGatorQueen silver member
    July 12, 2008
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    Like the first time I read this, I am speechless. I could feel the pain. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.

  • midnightblue1272
    July 10, 2008

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    Wow.

    Another great work here. This looks like something out of The Exorcist. A little darkness here. Good one.


  • Nicada silver member
    July 10, 2008

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    Is this a memory from your childhood? This is a great write, but I'm not sure how it fits into my contest. Thanks for entering. Patty


  • tarcus
    July 10, 2008

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    Pity about the presentation of this as regards capital lettering and spelling (echos)
    I get the feeling it is about vampire lust but I may be wrong.


  • DogTagz-TheJalapeno
    July 9, 2008

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    Did you read the rules? Please do as I asked. Okay anyway good poem. Very oddly put,though. But It was good.


  • Sinfully Yours
    July 6, 2008

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    wow! I really liked this, it seems more like the inner morality of this person does not want it because of the lack of power against 'him' when the desire arises and then gives in and wants it when pleasure begins to replace all thought. Great job and good luck in the contest!


  • Blooming Poet
    June 30, 2008
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    sorry but that did not turn me on


    • Darkwell
      June 30, 2008
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      oh its suppose to turn you ON! sry my bad ill mabe write a replacer l8r


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    June 28, 2008

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    Amazing

    this is a very well written write i like it alot. my favorite part was when you said the loneliness of one set beneath the stars a halo of my fingers forming on the window i look out into the distance and see the figure move like a shadow in smoke across the landscape of the meadow" that was worded so well. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
    ..<3..
    Shelly


  • NeverSayAddiction
    June 27, 2008
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    wow

    this is beaustiful but not quite what im looking for...BUT NICCE WRITE!!!

  • piccola silver member
    June 26, 2008
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    now an instrument he plays with gentle power ... very nice line. thank you for entering

  • FloridaGatorQueen silver member
    June 25, 2008
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    I am speechless by this poem. I was like what is going to happen next. I really enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.


  • JeannieD Hunter gold member
    June 3, 2008

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    Awesome. This poem had my mind going in many directions. Loss of control, willingness to conform, then back. Very well done! Thanks and good luck!

1 - 23 of 23