Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
 

So We Shall Be

 

And so it is...

 

The whisper of trees,

sweet aroma of summer vines

and warmth of sun's caress,

call to mind my longing

and saturate me in

memory of you

Releasing my soul to yours

and carrying my essence

in comfort

to where you are,

where I cannot be

 

My love, your feelings

do not turn aside

 

For if you thwart your yearning by

stripping bare ardor

and casting away care...

I shall bury my heart,

discard the love that therein resides

and shall not think upon you again..

 

And so it is...

 

If you boldly call affection to me

across the deep ocean swell,

draw love for me in the

warmed opaque sand

and pine for me upon

desire's dunes...

dream delightful of capturing me

in your ever ready

embrace,

 

then I shall offer

wholly my spirit and body

to your wonder

 

My love, you must match

my own true heart

 

And so we shall be...

 

 

 

Author notes

Poem based on a beautiful poem...
If You Forget Me by © Pablo Neruda
(poem is inside the contest if you would like to read)

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 73 of 73

  • crimsondew silver member
    August 12
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    such beautiful feelings of love expressed here...simply beautiful

    a gold very well deserved
  • Michael P
    August 3
    Edit | Reply
    this is simply beautiful-wonderfully written


  • mysticstorm gold member
    July 19

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! You did wonderful justice to the beauty of the poem you wrote about...such lovely words with wonderful flow and softness...
    Congrat's on yet another job well done...
    :

  • x-Black-Butterfly-x silver member
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    hehe looks perdy like you

  • phantasyintrigue-x gold member
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    Love your repetition...and your writing =D
    "sweet aroma of the summer vines"
    I love the word 'vines'. It's groovy.

    "stripping bare your ardor
    and cast away your care..."
    Great. (: Love the word 'ardor' and the emotion expressed here.

    "to your wonder"
    Interesting line...really. Not "to your use" but "to your wonder"...I like.

    Nice Gold ! (:

  • SilverStrandedEcho
    June 26

    Edit | Reply
    This is just mesmerizing! A poem truly deserving of gold indeed! The beauty of your words, and capacity to soothe is just amazing. I cannot even choose a favorite verse! Excellent penning!


  • PastelMoons gold member
    June 18

    Edit | Reply
    Gorgeous!
    Congrats on the Gold
    (no surprises though).
    This is a wonderful write!
    Thank you so much for
    sharing your remarkable talent!
    ~Pastel


  • hoodoolover silver member
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    I love this! It reminds me of the movie the Piano, and how Holly Hunter narrates it with a wee voice, and if I am not mistaken the last line is...and so it is. A beautiful movie and this is a triumphant poem, nice


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      June 13
      Edit | Reply
      I love the Piano!!! Most of it was filmed here in New Zealand and of course Anna Paquin is from here... I never realised that was the last line tho.. yayy.. I actually took it of The Blowers Daughter

  • lostinsidemyself
    June 11
    Edit | Reply
    there is beauty within every line loved this so much. thank you for sharing. hope you win

  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    and so we shall be...
    that is beyond beautiful,
    i haven't read anything as lovely as
    this in a long time. your words has truly touhed my heart. very awesome writing.

    loveandblessings2u & yours always
    Joyce
  • Emcchesney
    June 9
    Edit | Reply

    AWESOME!!! this was tremendous and full of heart!


  • sheltered
    June 8
    Edit | Reply
    This very much reminds me of Neruda.
    Excellent write.


  • Rockerstar
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    That is so beautiful. The ideas that you have used I think have captured what love is and should be. I wish you all the best in the contest.


  • Emerald Dog
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    Pablo Neruda once wrote that “Poetry is like bread. It should be shared by all, by scholars and peasants, by all our vast, incredible, extraordinary family of humanity." You proved his point by delivering this luscious chunk of soul-food.

    L&P, K

  • Mark McNulty
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    Very lovely writing here, Jacks... and so cool having a poem honor another poem like that. I would say the word choice and artistry you applied to this one made it a fitting tribute to the original poem and this also stands out as its own, originally awesome entity. Very nicely done!


  • Bleep7
    June 6

    Edit | Reply

    Absolutely beautiful!

    What else can I say? Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, brings pictures of "love" into the mind of the reader. Wish I could write a cool love poem. This definitely deserves a gold trophy!

  • OurxBeginning
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    Such a beautiful piece. I loved it a lot. I also enjoyed how you repeated the title in your write. Nice job and good luck in the contest.

  • XxemohatexX
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    i like this and ur love should always be exactly what your heart wants never settel for anything that isn't the best


  • jasminerose gold member
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is outstanding my friend! Beautiful imagery that captures the soul with flowing emotions expressed so perfectly...sigh~
    A very stunning piece of poetry written from the prompt!!
    My best to you in the contest!
    Linda


  • Shadow-Alchemist
    June 6

    Edit | Reply

    How beautiful...

    This is a truley wonderful poem. I love the style and imagery you have flowing throughout your poem. Lovely, just lovely! Cudos!


  • Rovingone gold member
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    What a wonderful love poem. It's so deep and clinging. Such words. Across the deep ocean swell, draw love for me in the warm opaque sand, and pine for me upon desires dunes. That just cuts right through th heart.


  • Angelflower Greeters member
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    Awww. this was really great!
    You did such a beautiful job! you really put so much emotion into this piece sis! I really love it! I can see shiny in your future for this one!!!!


    Angel

  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    That was stunning writing. Very very deep. You poured all of your emotion within this piece and it shows. Very beautiful indeed. Well done Kiwi. This is a gold, in my eyes.

    With
    Dark
    Love
    Wayne Leon
    xx


  • Poetdontknowit
    June 6

    Edit | Reply

    OH YEAH

    This just so damn pretty. Beautifully written by such a grand poetic hand. Great luck in the contest.
    POETDONTKNOWIT
    WRITING IT HER WAY
  • hipstorian
    June 6

    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    very beautiful poem, imagery of love glows in your words, great read, truly touching the heart, good job.

  • Cerulean gold member
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    Oh Pablo Neruda is awesome, A fine communist/poet.

    You done good sis.

  • Ace - LightWithinMe silver member
    June 5

    Edit | Reply
    Hello Kiwigirljacks.

    This is a beautiful poignant poem. Lovely images, great language used. She reads like she is trying to be strong and composed in the separation, but underneath there is a tsunami waiting to rush to her loved one. But she also recognises it will not work if it is just a one way street, and indeed that she is worthy herself of that which she offers. Well that is what I got from it.

    Beautiful piece. My regards.


  • A. L. Armocido - AM
    June 5

    Edit | Reply
    Sometimes I worry that you think I'm just being nice because it's so rare that you write a poem that doesn't get to me... but honestly... you really are one of the best poets I've ever come by. And quite frankly... excuse my French but... Neruda ain't got shit on you m'dear. This was outstanding. Very nicely done.


  • Daizee
    June 4
    Edit | Reply
    and so we shall be.... 5 words that carry our hearts..sigh

  • poppa silver member
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    Wow ....absolutely beautiful poem....think this would have to be my favourite of yours ....outstanding write IMO...


  • perfectsunset silver member
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    WOW.. this left me completely breathless. Your imagery, emotions and vibrance stands out like a pop-out book! I love love love this piece to pieces!!

    You have penned brilliance here once again. These lines stood out to me most- so immensely creative

    "If you boldly call affection to me

    across the deep ocean swell,

    draw love for me in the

    warmed opaque sand

    and pine for me upon

    desire's dunes...

    dream delightful of capturing me

    in your ever ready

    embrace,"

    Absolutely gorgeous sis!!
    & good luck in the contest!

  • Weltt gold member
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow.... this is completely breath taking. Tinged with a bit of sadness that comes from longing for someone yet love is embedded deep within your grasping words. This is truly a work of art. Worthy adjectives to describe this piece elude me. How can I relay my feelings towards a masterpiece? It's something you just have to read, soak in, and enjoy. Definately in my top five favorites from you. bookmarking this for sure. Already read it 4 times. Thank you so much for sharing this and I wish you the best of luck in the contest!!


  • PerfectImperfection
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful! What else can I say? You have take the poem inspiration into the recesses of love - the heart of the matter. Great imagery and language to go alongside - allowing for an eloquent read. Wonderfully penned! Thank you so much for the entry!


  • Pure Thought silver member
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    Just had to read this numerable times, book mark, then hold it close to my soul.


  • JohnnyD gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    what a most wonderfully penned poem.

    indeed, women are captured by sincerity of heart-
    audaciousness and longing-
    to be aloof of a woman-
    is to be lonely forever-



    len


  • CinfullyDelicious
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    My love, you must match

    my own true heart



    And so we shall be...







    SiS this is just so...I dont even have words lol...so beautiful, so poetically expressed..I just could have read more

    I really hope you do well with this gem of a poem


    Cin


  • buffsab99 silver member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    So wonderfully descriptive my beautiful friend Best of luck in the contest


  • penman gold member
    June 3
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Oh my this is so touching and well expressed. Such great images. Best of luck in the contest

  • chiefmac
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    The metphors for love and the emotions that come are well described and carry the essence of this work forward as the reader slowly grasps the pace to absorb the meaning and depth of these feelings. The reader longs to be taken to this ocean and bath in the sand of desire always ready to embrace. There is so many moving thoughts and telegraph the mood to the text to take comfort in the mood.


  • The Unknown Poet1
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    As I said a special piece and this is gonna be spotlighted on the front page Approval came back in less then 15 minutes after sent in well dome jacks!

  • faderman1959 silver member
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    Very romantic! It carries you away in the moment and leaves you feeling happy! Wonderful!


  • solo wisp gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    yesssssss, I agree with delightfulmess ... this has a very classy feel ... this is such a nice turn from the dark side ... light and airy ... dancing on floating feathers. Really enjoyed the contrast of each side ... no strings, but if plucked, could resound in beautiful music.

    A beautiful ensemble of high and low tones my Kiwi Queen ...




  • delightfulmess silver member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    Very classy.... This is such a elegant piece!!!
    each word melted into the next.

    WOOO HOOO I see shiny in your future...


    Delila


  • crazymomma gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    HOLY COW! You have really blown me away with this one. Amazing imagery and beautifully written. I wish you could teach me how to write.


  • MotorcycleFreak silver member
    June 3
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    What a beautiful poem. Something I can totally relate to. Good Luck my friend. ~Peace~Gar


  • KayJay46 gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    Such a beautiful place you've taken us to... inside your mind and heart... Wonderfully poetic but also honest in its words... Well done.
    Ken


  • runewalker
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    love negotiator.


  • aboomer
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful!! One I could read over and over (and have...lol)....VERY nicely done!! Love your images and depth of emotion in this!
    best wishes in your contest.


  • Allan Emery gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    I think these are beautiful sentiments expressed quite eloquently. You are showing your inner beauty with this write. The siren's call soars across the sea. All the sailors think they can tame the singer, not knowing what is really making the sound...


  • Carolina Moon silver member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    To sum it up, this has just became my favorite poem of all my time on AP. Absolutely stunning. LOVE it!!
    You, my friend, possess a true and amazing talent.


  • Poetic Tasha Moderators member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    whoa...this is pretty fantabulous mia bella cugino
    I was thinking wow mine is nothing like this, but then I was like wait i didn't enter yet

    your veocabulary and imagery in this piece is wonderful...I definately for see a winner with this one. best of luck

    Tasha


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      June 3
      Edit | Reply
      Can't wait to read your entry mia bella cugino!! I know it will be amazing!

  • Valley Girl gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful write hun. I love the imagery. Excellent! Best of luck in your contest. ♥


  • Swangrnv
    June 3

    Edit | Reply

    outstanding!

    truly beautiful words from a likewise soul! as so it shall be.. said!


  • Margaret Denham gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    The longing that flows from your words is so powerful in its simplicity. This is one of the most beautiful poems I've ever read honey. You captured the essence of a master in this style and made it so personal.

    The very best of luck in the contest.

    Love Margaret


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      June 3

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much hun!! Wow.. that means a lot, I'm honoured.. I find 'love' hard to write, so I'm so happy you enjoyed this!

  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    This is very beautiful and worth at least two reads...I've made it four, your words are stunning whether based on another poem or not.

    All the best in the contest...Sue


  • Leila Greeters member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    Love this, the ending is great. Its rather like awesomesauce Very beautiful =] x


  • arafura
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    "And so we shall be..."

    Beautifully expressed my friend. You touched this cynic's heart! Good luck in the contest!


  • rbruce gold member
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations Jackie. A wonderful poem.


  • Lucy. gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    How exquisite! Wow, this is divine.
    "and saturate me in
    memory of you" - These lines are simply delicious! I adore them. That whole first stanza!...and the second...and the third...
    It's all simply stunning! Wonderful write.
    (If this is what you write when you're sick...!)


  • phantasyintrigue-x gold member
    June 3
    Edit | Reply

    You made me forget about my scanner

    One of those writes that induce peaceful sighs--you made me forget that my scanner was upsetting me (er, long story).

    The repetition of "And so it is" is effecting and not too repetitive (which is often a problem with so many people's poems, like gah!)

    "and saturate me in
    memory of you"
    Love the use of the word 'saturate' and the 'memory of you.'

    "to where you are,
    where I cannot be"
    Love this!! It's so simple but evokes the entire meaning of this write.

  • Bob Fox
    June 3

    Edit | Reply

    well

    this is so different and so very beautiful. Words of love adorned with longings for it to be forever. To think of one from a distance and feel that love


  • LadyDementia gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wow a powerful piece. Very intense emotions running through it. A perfect example of how true love works, give and take. Beautifully penned hun, all the best in the contest


  • Merry Christmas
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    O.O Really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really awesome! (I just realised I typed all those really's out when I could have just copied and pasted )

    But anyway it's a super awesome poem Auntie Jackie.


  • The Unknown Poet1
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    Pablo is my absolute favorite poet his sorrow love poems are heart-wrenching specatular. in fact there is a pablo inspired contest tat is going on.... Your use of metaphor of nature to press forward emotions of love remindss of him. This is sooooooooo beautiful in its give and take for love that dwells in depths of hman need and desire well done and good luck in the contest


  • crimsondew silver member
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful dear....feelings brought about so gracefully..All the best in the contest!


  • SweetXDestiny silver member
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    wow auntie
    you truly are amzeong
    i love you

  • In Too Deep1 gold member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This is truly a stunning write! No exaggeration. I loved the flow and emotion in this beautiful piece. You write of love as deeply as you write of darkness. Very very impressive indeed! Best wishes in the comp

1 - 73 of 73