In pools of polished platitudes
I found a twilit tomb
As if my earthly attitude
Had sprang from Mary's womb
But such a tale I had to tell
I found my mouth was numb
As if my lips had swung the bell
That struck the corpses dumb
I crawled along the mossy rock
No sound but owls at play
As if a giant moonlit clock
Had ticked my breath away
And bit by bit the pendulum
Grew round in its unease
As if mere metals could become
Alive like burnished bees
I edged towards the thunder storm
To ground of deepest blue
As if the world had lost all form
And morphed to one anew
The gravestone dulls with every year
The etchings fade and die
As if the person lying here
Had neither heart nor eye
Author notes
My poetry friend jgrayson-au asked me to write something - I hope it's what he wanted x
A contest entry
- Your absolute BEST! (1,009 points, winner takes all) by AutumnsFlame.
1858 points, ended December 5, 2008, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhymed prewrites only ... by ecrivain01.
750 points, ended November 14, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of the Year by Bean Sidhe.
1350 points, ended January 3, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP Best friend by schoolsable.
400 points, ended August 26, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Great imagery, love the poem.. Good luck in my contest!!
~Sam -
I say. . .this isn't quite like anything I've read on here. . .very strong tones of Emily Dickinson. . .and your imagery is amazing. . .some favorite lines - "As if my lips had swung the bell / That struck the corpses dumb" and "As if a giant moonlit clock / Had ticked my breath away". . .but all your as-ifs here are brilliant. Excellent work, poet. I love the feeling.
♠ Lady Elinor
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I was deer hunting once years ago along the Red river on a large farm. On a ridge was an old graveyard. One of the headstones i couldn't make out anything but "not forgotten" The site seemed to say otherwise
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This is another piece of work from your mighty pen. It almost reminds me of "Sleepy Hollow." Though at times I don't understand what you are writing about, you always do it with a flair. Your friend in Poetry, Mysty Rain
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A superb abstraction. Twilit--what a great word to see!
Just one metrical hiccup makes a smooth first-read difficult:
"I edged towards the thunder storm"
Unfortunately most people in my locale pronounce the word "towards" as "twards" in a single syllable. Perhaps "in to" or "around" or some other clearly two syllable preposition would work better?
At any rate, thank you very much for your inspired contribution! -
Never stop writing. To say you are good would be an understatement.
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Great descriptions, flow and rhyme. Very good use of imagery, language and alliteration...what's there more to say? I have a love/hate relationship with poets like yourself. I love your work and hate giving inane comments like this one...you just leave nothing to be said
Good luck in the contest
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I'm sure this must be a continuation of your absolute best...I will read more of your poetry and I'm sure they will delight me again and again. Excellent imagery, rhyme and vivid descriptions. Your lyrical ebb and flow is an ocean of discovery.
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Hi there - wow thanks so much for your amazing comments! I would be honoured if you would have a look at more of my poems.
Many thanks x
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EXCELLENT!!!! This is really what I was hoping I would get in this contest and you really did a great job! You used imagery, which is what I like to see... you painted a picture in my mind... And your rhyme and flow were right on throughout the entire poem! Thank you for entering my contest and congradulations on staying in it!
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Wow this blew me away!
Wow this blew me away! This is highly impactual poetic graphic artistry in a nutshell and more! Amazing well chosen and used descriptives, and so well rhymed and flowing too, it really gets right in there deep too.
Love the bit:
"In pools of polished platitudes
I found a twilit tomb
As if my earthly attitude
Had sprang from Mary's womb"
That is just sensational and mind blowing, and oh so clever too, you certainly have a very unique way with words and are very talented and no wonder you have won so many trophies. Bet you are in pring too eh? If not I reckon you sure should be! Bravo, love this its fantastic, most enjoyable read.
Poetic Hugs,
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
Ps: Thanks millions, for your fab and kind review you are very inspiring and encouraging.
Glad you liked it.
Its a great honour to enter your wonderful contest thanks for the privalege and experience.
Poetic Hugs and Thanks Millions,
Kaz.XX
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Adored
I absolutely loved the descriptions and mood created in this write. This style is something I favour!
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The rhythm, rhyme and flow of this is great. I really sensed the rhythm reading it. It's a haunting tale which reminds me a bit of Poe. Nice job.
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Excellent Job
Oh how I would hate to go around counting syllables, and the number of words, and if there was an extra comma. How can one enjoy the sheer fun of reading?
I so envy your talent.
Joe -
Where in line 14 - it seems the same as the rest to me? "Grew round in its unease" has 6 syllables like the second line of all the stanzas.I do not mind you pointed out an error you understand - just want to know where I went wrong!
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I liked it, its got a nice smooth flow and easy rhyming. I only stumbled on line 14 which is short by a syllabol, but thankyou for the read.
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Just enjoying your work again..
what an amazing piece...beauty and images and solid technique woven into a captivating piece of writing. I am still even more amazed that it was written "quickly"....
I can't applaud again, but I would...
Bravo!!! -
had to go over these thoughts just one more time.
....addicting!
~pithy. 
!!!!!
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My absolute favorite stanza is the last and my fave line is... well, ALL OF THEM!!!
this poem single~handedly blows all of what I have to offer completely away. Again, as I've said before...
Publishable. Only this one, we'll leave for the ages!!!!
take care always,
~pithyAplomb.
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You get better and better.
Now write something for me.
Joe
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Perfect
I've read it three times now. And it keeps getting better and better!! As others have been saying, it flows great! It is swinging like a song while I read it, while it is reaching into my mind and painting pictures!
GREEEAT!
Cheers, Lad!
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Thanks - I am so glad you liked Moon Time - it was one of those 2 minute pieces! Thanks for taking the trouble to comment - I appreciate it.
Stephanie x
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Wow
AWEsome! Mesmerizing imagery, wonderful rhyme, with a delightful, singsong kind of flow.
Loved it!
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Thanks so much for taking the trouble to comment - very much appreciated!
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bravo
This is superb! There is no doubt, you have "the knack" which is nearly impossible to teach. You MUST write more poetry! bravo... bravo... bravo...
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fantastic...
What an enjoyable read. Compelling little trip set forth with stark images, excellent rhythm, and a grand rhyme scheme. Bravo! Hard to believe you wrote this "quickly"...makes it even more amazing.
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Mystical and Beautiful!!!
This poem is one of the top five best from you! I loved the stanza that read "I edged towards the thunder storm to ground of deepest blue, as if the world had lost all form and morphed to one anew." Your stanzas are lyrical and rhythmic. You're one deep writer, Stephanie.
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Nah it totally sux
Kidding!!! The meter is perfect, the style unique, and the words cryptic enough to allow personal meaning, but if you look carefully you can see a 'point' (at least I think I can).
Good work Bun.
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Thanks - glad you approve - was a really quick piece so I am sure I can do better!
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