Two rusty-nail tinged
muddy tracks ... hardly
qualified a path as a road;
each groove carved deep
by repeated yet infrequent
bias plied and radial boots.
At the fork, the road
suggested West
but now seems
determined North.
I stop my truck and
turn her engine off.
I walk ahead to view
my near destiny.
'I will know West by god,'
I mutter to myself....
The mountain moans,
the wind sighs.
A cloud-muted sun gazes down....
a thousand feet above the tree line,
the krummholz crawls toward me,
grimacing from a long brawl
with boreal and sheared winds.
The emerald green of the
mountain's short grasses insist
I stop ... and notice.
Snow flakes,
puffed frosted sky tears,
float toward me,
tracing the will of the wind,
and light on the now upturned
collar of my pathetic lowlander coat.
What is that sound?
Oh. silence ...
penetrating, profound, silence.
Wind whispers through blades of grass,
I hear the lub dub
of serum's pump.
Flatland lungs grasp louder
than I remember for scarcer
oxygen ... among mountain clouds.
Wool fibers of my coat draw
shuffle whispers against my neck.
Then I stop ... frosting the
air’s vapors with my breath,
and listen as snowflakes
parachute onto my collar ...
dancing crystal feet,
playing music
I had never heard.
Author notes
object: I would choose the road.
A contest entry
- Open to all poets on Allpoetry apart from Winklings folk #102 by Lyndon.
3500 points, ended July 9, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BATTLE OF THE GOLDS THREE by Swan song.
2000 points, ended October 5, 2008, 47 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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This exudes new heights of appreciation for the view. I found myself immersed in my own directions unknown or possibly mistaken along past roads. Snow~ I don't think could be given more numerous faces of beauty in one verse. Elegant
and enchanting, I floated along with each silent
whisper. Blue
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i felt like i had a haze pulled over my mind as i read this, its something i felt like i would read in a fanatsy book.
A wonderful poem and I wish you the best ideas for the future.
Rose. -
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Rose, darkness dancer. Thank you for stumbling across this. I have been dormant for a while, and without new works don't get much traffic, so was surprised to find your comment.
I appreciate you reading this vignette. hope you recovered from the "haze pulled over my mind." I am not sure if having a haze is a good or bad thing from your perspective, but I savor that you stopped by.
RW -
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it was a good think as it took me to a fantasy land. have a nice day
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Two golds!! Wowzers... I should be so lucky
Congrats hun!
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rescinded.
Congratulations again,
jin -
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Thanks Jin for stopping by and your kind words, (and travel itinery)
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Excellent! This is a poem i can relate to and i loved the clear narrative flavor of it. Reminded me of reading Stafford!
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I will know West by god,'
I mutter to myself....
The mountain moans,
the wind sighs.
Blue sent me over to check out your work. She says you have quite a unique way of expressing yourself. I agree. I've made this decision to go west. Drove from Texas, took forever to get out of Texas, but to Santa Monica it was a straight shot.
I also loved the line about the silence. Congratulations on the pretty shiny.
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Blue is so gifted, I feel lucky to call her friend.
JinSays, Texas will take you back. We always do.
Thank you sincerely for mudding through my work, I apologize in advance for the obtuse ones, and the weak ones among them.
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Congratulations
on a well deserved GOLD. I was completely captivated by this verse. Well done. ~Pamela
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Wow. I was completely captivated by this vibrant and energizing write. Well done poet.
You have chosen a simple road and worked it into a discovery. I enjoyed every bumpy moment up that rocky climb and could even feel the ice crystals bite my lips as I enhaled mountain air.
Bravo! Superb writing. Best of luck in the contest. ~Pamela
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always an honor for you to read one of my pieces Pamela. Thank you for stopping by.
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I found this to be a rapid read with vivid imagery and original concept. The poem starts strong and continues strong throughout. The verse developed the story well holding the reader’s attention. Well done and good luck in our contest.
Love,
Amera
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Thank you Amera for reading and you kindness in your comment.
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Yes, this is a very nice write indeed. Good metaphor - liked the use of blunted syllables in :"..the lub dub
of serum's pump." "Oxygen" might be better if another similar word used. Minor - 6th line from the end "airs" and "vapors" might be separated.
I live in a mountainous area and enjoyed this. Good job.
Paul
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"6th line from the end "airs" and "vapors" "
Thanks, missed that. corrected. appreciate your reading the piece.
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ohmygosh!
thank you so much for telling me bout this poem, because i truely loved it! it was beautifully written and the imagery was stunning!
your words painted such gorgeous pictures in mind! keep penning!
AWESOME!
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well commenting as the Lucian Blaga contest host/judge, i'd say you've got quite a poem here...wonderful work...PK
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thank you, you have a contest notion worth lingering on.
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i love the journey you take the reader on in this piece that was a great characteristic as well as the descriptiveness thank you for enterin my contest and congrats on being a finalist.
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Thank you for putting the piece on the short list. I am humbled you enjoyed it.
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The first two stanza's are really solid with great and unique imagery but then you start to add "..." these again and I wonder if it is needed. Your punctuation also starts to show up more and it feels like the poem starts to get a little lost in its own format. I do understand what you were doing though with like little thoughts spoken out loud but still I think you may want to consider using "..." totally throughout the poem instead of in just half. I also have to keep in mind that, like you said, this is probably a rough draft.
Your imagery is also really solid even in the last two parts. I just wish the format and the punctuation felt consistent all the way through.
Favorite stanza would be the first. I love how you describe the road and use a very natural use of spacing and imagery.
So yes this is a good poem with a lot of really good images it's just how it starts to change in the middle and it starts to switch to more punctuation that seems odd.
Glad I stopped in. Well worth the read.
;
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I love the descriptiveness in this... I felt like I was on that journey with you, taking in those sights...
Isn't the sound of silence an amazing thing.... we are so used to noise around us all the time that it is kind of strange and a little bit eerie when silence is there...
Beautifully done!
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mountain grasses insist
I stop ..... and notice.
Snow flakes,
puffed frosted sky tears
Most profound writing indeed, the imagery is bliss all the way through, as is the graduation from journey momentum to the moment where time almost stops, v unique and clever, as the end leaves you a great question of what music actually IS...
Anyhighs great write poet,
w chai and cookies
-JAS
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