I am so jealous
I stole your avocado
and rear ended your mail man
I am so jealous
of your bravado
I even keyed your mini-van
I am so jealous
of you in a bikini
I rented one too in navy blue
I am so jealous
of your high fashion
You got me begging in J-crew
I am so jealous
of your moustache
And the way that you dismount
I am so jealous
of your flicked ash
I have forgotten how to count
I am so jealous
of your hippie shimmy
I've developed one of my own
I am so jealous
of your hand made beads
that don't be surprised
when I wrap them around
your stupid fat corn fed
neck & drag you a 100 miles
into a corn field in Nebraska
& crucify your raped carcass
with my semen & the mighty
word of sweet lord Satan.
SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!
I am so jealous
So very jealous.
And that's why
you must die.
Author notes
Influenced by the deviland Uranus "fuck face".
Written December 27th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Blood & horror to the extreme!!! by hommie-t.
400 points, ended April 30, 2006, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 68 of 68
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you are just jealous of my midget, I told you, you can hire her but she belongs to ME. I am happy to report that there are no spelling mistakes (but then, there are hardly any big words)
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dude, this is freaking awesome! it sounds a lot like me inthe sense that i am always quiet and don't do anything until its gone to far and then it's too late for them... i remember reading some of your work before and i loved the uniqueness of it and i love this unique piece as well. an applaud i shall give you
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Crazy poem. I guess you're really jealous, huh? lol. Well done for such a wierd and wonderful write.
Shadow xXx -
corn
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wow, that was a crazy poem...just what i wanted...nice job i loved it alot and good luck in my contest
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Jesus Livers.
Edited on Jun 25, 2:32 p.m. because ''. -
Semen is good for your skin.
Edited on Jun 25, 2:33 p.m. because ''. -
And i think you'll find you wouldn't have won anything ANYWAY because you didn't follow the rules!
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lol I was thinking this was about Hitler the whole way through.
'I am so jealous
of your moustache
And the way that you dismount
I am so jealous
of your flicked ash
I have forgotten how to count'
This was a really good poem. Fun to read and I don't know whether the end was supposed to be serious or funny. I did think it was confusing, but that's good. I didn't get this bit, '& crucify your raped carcass
with my semen & the mighty
word of sweet lord Satan.
SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!'
I thought you maybe lost the plot towards the end.
But this poem was really well written and it had a nice flow that kept you reading.
You havn't written the poem you read and commented on in your authors comments. So many people havn't done that!
Thanks for entering and good luck!
Skitza
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lol, I love the sich little twist at the end. Great poem though and very funny. Haven't read anything like it before, lol. You dd a great job and best of luck in the contest.
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I know, this is my all time national lampoon
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This is you know . . . hilarious.
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wow great poem! nicely worded, and brilliantly written, awesome work! well done on foing a great job and thanks for entering
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The wonderous amazement of controversy. I must agree with windhover3 the mailman didn't deserve it. Good luck on your challenge.
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Well... very intriguing. I'm with animatiqua... pagan, not christian, but I prefer to play nice.
It is funny (though somewhat sickening). As long as there is no mention of burning anybody, I'm content.
You did actually do a great job with this. It was very well written, but a tad inappropriate.
Clever, I'll have to give you that.
Don't think you'll win the contest, somehow. -
I can taste the jealousy in this poem. What is weird about Nazis (especially Hitler) was the fact that they envied and even admired the success of Jews and, as Hitler woulda said "Their ability to keep their blood clean". Hitler was unique in the sense that he seemed to love his enemies more than his "Aryan" allies because of their discipline and their willingness to sacrifice themselves for a greater cause. I don't know if this has anything to do with your poem, but I do know that you certainly earned this applause, and good luck in the contest, I hope you win.
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very nice, but a little harsh for the poor fuckin mailman. I mean, after all, he's just delivering the mail. I hope you left him flowers.
good piss on consumerism. -
This is an excellent poem.
Count my applaud as my debt for your contest and also as an ovation to this wonderful piece. -
Deliberately Delicious
Great, great, and more great! I want pictures though, of the field, the cross, the beads... -
a mere flic of his bic is what you are in context to the dark master when he roasts his next worshipper in the flames of eternal damnation, but I do like the poem, perhaps one of his lowly demons inspired you to wit.....Artis
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haha the tameness of the ridicule was the most effective thing
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Well, what can I say?
I happen to be Pagan, and none too fond of Christian falderol, so part of me says "Sock it to `em!"
The other part says "Aw, be nice! You know what goes around comes around!"
Sigh. Yeah, I do; and that's how I try to live, but it sure makes me smile when someone puts one up the old wazoo once in a while.
And with such style! -
Hey, I'm Satan. How come my agent wasn't let on that youw ere writing words about me again? Have you learned nothing from your time in purgatory? I really think that you and me have to sit down with your mother and have a talk.
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Actually, it's just a poem that I devised to taunt the faithful.
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WOW
WOW, this is ingenious. I don't quite know if it fits the description of the contest... Or is what the contest holder wants. But, that's not what's important to this site. I think I understood your message, and I'm sorry if I did not. I think, or what I got, form this write was that you were taking on the postion of those who are not as the contesed holder called, CHRISTians... but you are coming form the veiw point of those how are not christin whether they claim to be or are of a different church entirely. It is a selfish thing to think that your way is the ONLY way... I must digress. I hope I'm not too far off the mark here. I still think it's a good write whether or not I got waht you were trying to say... if you wre trying to say anything specific. -
Hilarious. funniest thing I have read in a m
"I think I have to agree perhaps killing the girl then a couple of satans and leaving it there would have been best. "
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
AAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHHAHHHHAHA
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
satan? You are well aware that i get royalties on your soul every time you mention my name?
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Another big hit in Montgomery Alabama!!
David -
Sure it is, it has SATAN!
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No, it's not judgemental.
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I think it will win this contest,
what do you think? -
Happy to see this one again.
Going to search for my original comment, because I think it was loads better than this one. -
...Satan...
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Satan?
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I think I have to agree perhaps killing the girl then a couple of satans and leaving it there would have been best. other than that it was a great poem thanks for entering blessed be alina
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Good ^^
umm... that was... different... lol
You have talent, but to be honest... the end kind of killed it for me... I liked the idea of going through piece by piece and then just out of nowhere killing her, but then... the SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! thing through off the whole beat... the mood was gone after that. Not gonna be a holy roller though, even if I am Baptist lol
Over all, it was very good, you have a lot of talent... just be careful with endings like that -
Satan!
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Wow, this is good, its very strange tho, but i can feel the hatred and jealousy. Good job
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well, I am surprisingly not shocked. The beginning of this piece was very good. But then it seems as though your attempt to shock went wrong. It seems as though you are trying to hard. I love the beginning though. I mean other then the end it was a great piece.
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interesting
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lol this really was an interesting read.
*chuckles* -
wickedly dark, sickly funny. I love it
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Uranus?
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This was actually pret funny. I loved the sarcastic mood of this poem.
DJ -
are you a satanist or a poser who uses the word to seek his own ends?? sorry to seem rude.. but your work was really good to say the least anger and fun all in one.. i like...
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are you a satanist or a poser who uses the word to seek his own ends?? sorry to seem rude.. but your work was really good to say the least anger and fun all in one.. i like...
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This was fucking beautiful, can't believe they made you change the title. The end just really got me pumped like a bitch. I wasn't expecting that much really but then it caught me by surprise at the end, how damn good this piece was, and that made it all the better. Satan is a good man espescially in bed
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I love your poems and the fact that you create controversy. Just had to laugh at your comment above "English, Welsh, Irish, because there's no way you're American, since you can form a sentence and spell". For bad spelling, you should try New Zealanders as well. It's so refreshing to come across an intelligent writer. Keep it up.
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Oh man, I'm starting to greatly enjoy your writing. It starts of somewhat serious, with a definetely humourous light shone on it, then changes to pure hilarity. This is totally excellent, and I envy your talent.
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how incredibily ignorant...........i'm amazed such stupidity actually has a beating heart........why Lord?
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No, i have not been docked points, that I know of (i don't run a very tight ship), but i have been banned from the site on one occasion, and have had a contest deleted. I have had comments removed as well. Not European. Chicagoan.
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Quite a few more than two but less than five, have you ever been docked points? One time, I was catching a lot of shit, because well I'm a real poet... And I totally cleaned up in the contest area and had all of these points, and they started fining me points, lol.
You are obviouly European correct? English, Welsh, Irish, because there's no way you're American, since you can form a sentence and spell.
Edited on Mar 02, 1:40 p.m. because ''. -
Man, the comments beneath this one are priceless. I envy you. How many times have you been banned or censored here?
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Funnily enough the original title was "NiggerHole" which is and will always be this poems 'magical name', but the jesus people came over carrying the body of some young half lynched person of colour and they bade me be mature? So I changed it to "Spade" and prayed.
Coincidentally, by the time the NAACP showed up, I was already naked and digging... the fine was severe, though it marred my sole, I held song. then we shot up some smack and set up on the nearest corner, coloureds in our element.
Edited on Mar 02, 1:30 p.m. because ''. -
Bloody fantastic. Man, if you start with thunder, then you must end with TNT. Fat corn head? HAHHAHA. Excellent. I am Impressed. Nine satans. Satanic.
Edited on Oct 03, 8:47 p.m. because ''. -
how did i miss this one i love it
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so they made you change the title, huh... ah, well, these things happen.
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too dark to be accepted
At first, I thought it was a reverse psychology regarding how satan is jealous of those who are blessed and have things that he can't attack.
But the end bends to a worship , then concludes rather vaguely. I have not always been a Christian, but I've never taken deliberately to the dark side, and find that this poem should be either explained in the author's Comments OR placed in the Adult Category, although I am vehemently against that much..., for it makes me sad to see you so good with words, only to give the devil a badge of courage to the derogatory.
I'm sorry for you. I stand with poetryality and catz on this...only I'm not afraid to tell you how offensive this is to others, and misrepresents the site. -
To me, this poem, especially the title is offensive. The poem is well written, even humourous in places. I, too, am not sure of the intent or reasoning behind the write, not that there necessarily needs to be in poetry. I also feel it should be in the adult catagory.
You obviously have talent, a lot of talent. I hope you'll take our comments to heart.
Dee -
Now, now, why the title? It is offensive. I have ancestors that were called "nigger" and were then hung. I tried to write a poem that wouldn't let me use the word and my context was way different from yours. What's the point. I think I missed it. In a minute you are going to be on everyone's ignore list and you won't be able to read anyone's poetry or get a single comment, then what's the use at all? You have such talent. Why waste it on foolishness. This is foolishness young man and I thought you had a bigger heart. I try to be open minded but I think you went a bit over the top with this one.
Renee
Edited on Jan 03 because 'Would you really want me to feature this poem?'. -
interesting very interesting
-meg -
(and I earned ten points for that.
)
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Just so you know, somebody will probably ask you to move this to the "adult" category if you want to keep the title intact... but I bet they won't be nice about it... but that doesn't really matter... what really matters is that most people won't read the poem at all, just get caught up in the title, and miss the precious part about Satan all the way at the end... I wonder which is more offensive? the title? Satan? the fact that they won't really read it? the avocado-stealing? the defiling of a golden Nebraskan field? the waste of semen and a corpse (there are starving people right here in America, you know!!)? come to think of it, the picture's pretty offensive, too... the guy all the way at the right seems to be looking at the leftmost woman in an ungentlemanly way... yeah, this poem is really offensive, and it should be burned... Oh crap. No lighter. I forgot I quit smoking because it would mean standing around outside in the cold like some kinda frozen leper, just to get that little high that would make my day a little brighter and my lungs a little more precancerous.
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Smart, that's exactly what it is. Because, obviously, I'm no longer a satanist. I now pray to a log I keep in my third drawer called uncle stump.
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brilliant bloody
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dark humor
such anger and humor, dark as they both may be. was it more to mock what our society once was? that's what i got out of it anyways. -
Any reason for the title?
Quite frankly i find it offensive.
The rest, i like, the title i dont.
Nyx... -
cowers in corner Should this not be under 'horror'? (Or humour? Just shows how sick a sense of humour I have)
A great poem, albeit scary as hell!!!
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