I contemplate in a fauna tower
Soul masturbation
Me, myself, president of my own
Self loan, fifteen years alone..
Alas, I know the world I left
Solitude a personal gift
To sift through past transgressions
Prisoner of aggression...I
Shatter thy Agni eye!
Freewill lament,
Soul stasis stuck in mortal cement
All the while sins ferment and I see the truth
Yet, to my dismay
All my fuck ups bi-products of
My desire, my lust to lay
The unuprooted fields of Eve’s
Sisters and daughters
So I stay,
Far away in the fields of lonesome and bitterness
Although I delve in deep
In what could only be called a soul
I, (I?), am at home
Perception is a bitch
As morals hit the ditch
Knowing what is right
I kill thy self
Broken barriers, promises
Held untrue and though unfurled
I, as myself, stuck and abandoned excel
Inhale, deeply my friend
And think, please, let thy soul not sink
Be there and know
Soul transcendence and in a ramble repentance
Doth my soul dance,
To lance all that poisoned
My well of self being...
Join me.
A contest entry
- Insane Ramblings of the Hermit Poet by Great Cthulhu.
1200 points, ended June 11, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Feed is welcome.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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First of all, congrats on winning gold. This is a strong and ambitious poem which has a lot going for it. As you admit yourself, however, it would probably benefit with more time spent on it. A bit more poetic polish and you'll have a gem!
Best wishes,
Bill
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Congrats on the Gold. Vivid imagery here. Quite a reflective look at the self loathing character which lives somewhere in the recesses of us all, to some extent.
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Well, well, well...
(three holes in the ground) You have so many elements that I fell in love with that I can not find a favorite stanza or line, this fits so nicely together. Well done! I love the sexual double meanings in this stanza:
"Yet, to my dismay
All my fuck ups bi-products of
My desire, my lust to lay
The unuprooted fields of Eve’s
Sisters and daughters"
Let's see, wonderful imagery, nice touch of the surreal, well done internal rhymes, an older style of vocabulary... all in all this is a beautiful poem! Keep your pen to the page and thanks for entering!
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For some reason, I keep wanting to read that the soul is stuck in moral cement. Weird, but cannot control that side of myself. The hermit is disappointed in the other life which bewilders many of us. I find myself relating to this well. "All the while sins ferment," I totally adore that one. The last stanza is good too, which of Eve's daughters will take you up on your offer I wonder?
This is ever so much better than you think!
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Many thanks my friend. I think it could be better if I spent more time on it. It echos of something I wish to say, yet, too afraid to contemplate apon. I would want to change a couple of things. Like the word "unuprooted".
I just kinda had writers block. I'm ever so grateful that you took the time to read my work. And so much more that you liked it.
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Quit gabbing and get to work then! Talk less, write more
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I know I can do better... I hate this mire of defacation. I want a re-do. I had plans damnit. But this is what begot.
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