Where sinner's come and saints retreat
to follow hope and hate's defeat
A place to grow in time's moist hand
but left to fade in deserted land
Greetings of a moderated joy
like a child who's found a toy
Sucked in by the warmth of its glow
but trampled under its current's flow
Miserable even beneath the joyful charade
waiting for the bridge to break...
A contest entry
- Rhyme and Flow part 3 New - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended June 15, 2008, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Thank you for your entry into our contest, it was an interesting poem to read, but we felt a couple of lines let the poem down, they threw the flow out and caused the reader to stumble.
Please join us in future contests...Sue and Jeff
-
The flow and meter of this piece is flawless without doubt, and the dual message of saints and sinners leaves wonder to ponder the deeper meaning that lies within the words you spilled here. Great job!
-
you took 3 readings out of me
to get to this hideen meanings with the lines your rhyme and meter rockss simply and the ellipses at the end open a way deep road for thoughts
i could reallly relate to the road of purity and sinning
and the way you ended this miserable benath the joy charade"so called joy of sinning world" once the bridge of life breaks in hell sinners fall
well more to gett too if you think and go deep
i reallly liked this in fact one of the writes that i admire from this site
thankss alot for sharing
-
There is really some first class rhyme and meter here, however, I must confess I did not understand the poem, but let's see some more.... bravo....
Adding your comment:
