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Jaded with hope

When you hear the distance between,
feel the ache with misled sigh.
How helpless the struggle seems,
all we see is shallow tide.

With discrete thought of resign,
desperation gasps for freedom.
A request for hope as the sun dies,
the strength of love stands to reason.

Cries of hopelessness jaded with hope,
Puts to death, the phrase, put to rest.
And the tides of places not so close,
Beat against my chest.

Author notes

All critics welcome...

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • lindaburns gold member
    February 7
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, dear. I’m not sure what to say. Let’s go with; this contest is for poems that have between 20 and 40 lines. Your poem falls outside that so I am removing it. If you have something that fits within all these horrible rule, please enter that. But, please. Make it simple enough for ‘ole granny’ to understand.


  • Cannonsfire
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Take out 'can' in first line.
    then 'feel the ache with misled sigh'
    'how helpless struggle seems'
    we all see a shallow tide...

    It's just a matter of tidying it up, you have a good grasp of rhyme patterns.


  • AngelSeeker silver member
    November 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sorry this is not what I'm looking for. I want something that I can relate to because it's something I've known or that touched me deeply.

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your beautiful entry, good luck in my contest, Josie


  • Sorrow is the name
    July 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this, nice use of words

  • ea silver member
    July 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    what is a misled sigh, I wonder... Cries is plural for Cry. Not sure what's going on in this piece but I appreciate its formal tone. Thank you.


  • Shifting
    July 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I dearly love the ending. I'm a big softy for anything with tides, waves, and oceans, be it pain or happiness.
    thanks for entering.


  • crimsondew
    July 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    And the tides of places not so close,
    Beat against my chest.
    These lines really caught me...A sense of despair running wildly in these lines...Some good imagery..

    All the best in the contest!


  • jossiemarie
    July 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i really like this, its diffrent, but very thought evoking. good work, and good luck.


    • grinlips
      July 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thnx .. i think this is in the top few of all my poems... thnx for the input :-)

1 - 10 of 10