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Enslaved

 

   Cruel castle of tortured mind

   holds me enslaved

   Demonic lust my eager

               body has craved

   White purity I wear well,

   yet am trapped inside

                        desire's hell

 

   Insanity's creature taunts

   white doves of peace

   Knowing there is no release,

   I plunge into eternal death

   Praying mercy with my

                          final breath

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: Pic, 30-50 words
Artist Credit: "One Last Flight by Trickster4eva"

In a list

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 39 of 39

  • rbruce gold member
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    Another excellent take on the picture prompt. My imagination is not that good, neither is my pen. Great write.


  • stavykm gold member
    June 9
    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant

    Wow this is a dark poem. Eternal hell for sure. Yet she is praying for mercy with her final breath. You amaze me. I hope you are writing a book. Your poems are just brilliant. Congradulations on the gold. I just love you sis.
    Many Blessings
    Much Love
    Kelle Marie
    stavykm

  • OurxBeginning
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    Great piece, very dark and emotional. I can relate to this, but in the past. I think everyone has, I loved your word choice. Congrats on your gold trophy.
  • JustlyServed
    June 5

    Edit | Reply
    I love that this poem isn't just straight up and down! The indentations are perfect, as well. ^_^
    I usually don't like rhyming poems, but this one is great! It flows well and doesn't seem at all forced. Great poem!


  • crazymomma
    June 5

    Edit | Reply
    I love dark when it is done by you. Somehow you make dark very appealing with your lovely imagery and excellent metaphores. This is one we can all relate to "trapped inside desire's hell".

  • perfectsunset
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was so well-deserved of the gold awarded. This was truly an amazing write, your definately brought justice to the picture in such beautiful and dark ways. Love the deep imagery in this too! Congrats!!


  • Weltt gold member
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    Nice easily flowing rhyme here. Almost don't notice it when you're reading it because it's so natural. Loved this one. grats on the gold!


  • PerfectImperfection
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    Great rhyme and flow throughout. A very well detailed piece to encompass the image, swarmed within the thoughts. Nicely penned indeed!!!


  • CinfullyDelicious
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    heheh oh im glad I didnt bother with this contest..i never could have competed with this hehehe..Awesome so darl and deep and awesome

    Congrats on a very very deserved GOLD



    Cin


  • Swangrnv
    June 3

    Edit | Reply

    aaww..

    dark and deliciously good! l.o.l. yes, you do dark very well! excellent! congrats on your well deserved gold!


  • Valley Girl silver member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! So sad and full of emotions. Fantastic imagery! Congratulations on the Gold! Amazing! ♥


  • Leila silver member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    I really love this alot. Love the fact it rhymes, and it flows really well. "Cruel Castle" - Thats a great start to bring the reader into the poem. =] x


  • phantasyintrigue-x silver member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply

    Er...this comment is really long

    Wow--you are absolutely brilliant when it comes to food, darkness, and "classy sexual" (ha, ha, ha). Amidst all three of these though, I really love your dark writes!!

    "Cruel castle of tortured mind"
    Damn, that paints a great picture and I love your unique use of the word 'castle'. This makes me think of A Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe, actually, only more tortured than beautiful...LoL--you seen it??

    "Demonic lust my eager body has craved"
    Love the word 'demonic'--it's darkly demonic. And as for the lust, well, that's classic for you.

    "White purity I wear well,
    yet am trapped inside
    desire's hell"
    Like "white purity"--groovy wording and is based on human preconceived notions of what purity looks like.

    Some ideas you don't need to accept but you could consider...maybe "trapped" could become "isolated" to coincide with "inside"? That way it's almost like alliteration...

    I love "desire's hell"--it's so blunt, but *maybe* to contrast with "white purity", make it "desire's blackness"...of course, if you changed that, "desire's hell" wouldn't be the same word count as the second stanza's last line.

    I hope I'm still making sense and haven't lost you with my uber long comment!!

    The second stanza is even more brilliant than the first...quite a feat. Oh, and nice (accidental? intentional?) rhyming with 'death' and 'breath'...nice job!!

    Kudos on the well-deserved gold as well. =]


  • Pure Thought silver member
    June 2
    Edit | Reply

    All your skills very active here

    bring us an awesome picture and you gold yet again.


  • penman gold member
    June 2
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Wow, what an incredible write. So very deserving of the gold. Congratulations.


  • Lucy. gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful take on the pic. I love the last lines. Congrats on a well deserved gold!


  • SuicidalLover gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!!!!!! This is what I assume to be gothic ( I really don't know) but way to go!!!!!!!! This is dark in the darkest form. Congrats to you on your gold!
    ~Kystal angel

  • chiefmac
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    I find this exciting worth reading. The description quickly but does not obstruct the target mood. This does maximize the poem's thrust. The vivid images draws the reader into the rhythm and pacing the reader to the great ending.


  • JohnnyD gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    great write, good thing she did not know me earlier or we both would have died.


    love, long, dark hair...sigh




    len


  • my.stars.dont.shine
    June 2
    Edit | Reply
    this is amazing- like all your writes! and well deserved of the gold. congrats! =]


  • jcat gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    Oh Oh.......Looks like someone didn't play nice!! Who was it??? I will go get 'em for ya Cause you are a brilliant writer!!!! I am in awe of your talent everytime..... This was incredible and very worthy of the GOLD!!!!


  • Rovingone gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    Well done! What a great capturing of the picture. You used words so well. I could feel it coming to life.

  • In Too Deep1 gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    A very dark writ. Beautiful flow depicting the rips of heart and soul. so often we find ourselves torn between unorthodox desires and virtue. Here you portray it so well. A stunning write that flows wonderfully. An enjoyable read. Best wishes in the comp my friend.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    This read my mind, it is exactly what I thought when I saw the picture, only I would have worded quite lamely compared to this. The torment is so well portrayed, as is the despair and need for atonement. Simply a stunning poem, as all previous comments show. Thank you for your entry and good luck

  • secberm
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    Yes... I can see it. It's funny, though... I wouldn't imagine that the gargoyle would feel that way. But I can see it in it's eyes. It wants to jump while that crazy lady up there is enjoying the subtle summer breeze. He's thinking, "Why don't she frolic in the field..." Write on, sister.

    Dez


  • The Unknown Poet1
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    This is dark and vivid. the scene of tormented inner struggles leading to her final escape plays well here. The images are nicely done with some creative word usage. well done and good luck in the contest


  • KayJay46 gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    You always make the darkest writes sound... enviable (LOL). Lovely flow and such depth of meaning... Well done, my dear.
    K

  • Bob Fox
    June 2

    Edit | Reply

    The dark

    Perhaps it just is the way life must be for some though I realize it is but a picture. Now if that picture was me boy I wonder what the hell would be written lol


  • Winterfall
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    This is a pretty cool poem. I love how you structured this with some words being indented in instead of straight up and down, unchanging lines. And how you pick and chose certain words to be in italics, genius. This is was a dark and good poem to read and I enjoyed it immensely.


  • Carolina Moon silver member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    Great take on this! But coming from your talented mind, I'm not surprised hehe Good luck in the contest..


  • crazymomma
    June 2
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful take on the picture. Love it! Great imagery.


  • aboomer silver member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    Goes great with the picture! That inner torture of demons.
    Well done!
    best wishes in your contest.


  • azlyn gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    I looked at this pic and had the same feeling for this lady! Very nice rendering of words and emotions...wonderful as always Sis!


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    Is this about escaping reality or diving into a hellish fantasy?
    It's a great take on the prompt...

    All the best in the contest...Sue


  • Cerulean gold member
    June 2
    Edit | Reply
    A good picture of tortured existence.


  • buffsab99 silver member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Excellent write of escaping our tourtures. Best of luck in this contest

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