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thoughts from a dark room

I'm sitting in the quiet of my mind,
and the only thoughts i see are you.
its lonely in this dark room perfect for my mood.Cry
i miss you.

i know i'll soon return but it's hard enough to be me on my own.
i see your face in my sleep, so i don't.
i've lost interest in these simple things,
the "necessities" of life.

i need no nourishment until i feel your arms around me,
you are the very reason i can't breath.
this air won't do it hasn't touched your skin.

i fade out,
away from this world,
trapped in my loneliness without you.

i hear the distant sound of conversation,
but i can't come back down.
i want to stay here trying to find you,
a hidden pigment in my soul.

i know you're in here somewhere,
only i cannot find you to save my life.
yes, that is exactly what i need,
a savior, too bad i just can't believe.

i wish you could be here to guard me while i slumber.
it isn't healthy not to dream.
oh well, another loss,
i'll wait i'll come for you soon enough...but Will this really be soon enough... 

Author notes

i was told to try to put my poems in a more poetic form..... is this what was ment? personaly i kinda like it...

is this even slightly better?

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Comments

  • Hovels 2
    July 1, 2008

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    I don't care how you put it. Whether you put it in riddles (in poetry) or a direct way (in a paragraph like you did before), it's still a good piece of work. You put it however you want to put it. Also, I believe the format in which one conveys their poem also tells a little bit about the poem. For exampe, the poems that were in paragraph form reminded me of more of a "HEAR ME ROAR" type of thing. Meaning, you wanted to be direct with your meaning. You wanted to basically tell whoever that poem was for what exactly you wanted to tell them, without any games. The format expressed that and it probably wouldn't have expressed that if you didn't put it in that format.

    As for the poem itself, another JUST WOW. I love it. I have told you this many times before but you just have a way with words. You know how to mesmerizes me with your words.


  • Volfeng
    June 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    expressive

    nicely done, I like this one...