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possessions

this bump-cornered box

scratched and battered marquetry

the rusty clasp loose

and raw in my fingers

contained the undecipherable

remnants of a life

   here a thimble

   or a square-holed

   Chinese coin

   there a staid photo

   of an unknown soldier-boy

 

the rubber band

around a dog-eared pack of cards

gave way

and in idle disrespect

I dealt myself

a game of solitaire

   stopped dead

upon the Ace of Spades

to see two words in faded pencil …

 

      marry me

 

… and a lonely question-mark

 

the box re-charged

with its sparse contents

I put in the pile marked

Stuff To Be Burned

and nagged myself only

with the thought that once

   someone

   had played

 

      one hell of a hand

 

 

Author notes

prompt: "marry me". I feel this should have a grey background - don't ask me why.

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Caroline Samar
    June 13, 2008

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    i love it... good story put within it... i just like it and congrats on the trophy you sure are worth it...


  • maa gold member
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love your freeverse ...
    rare are those poets who excell in both rhyme and freeverse ...
    you're definitely such a rare pearl ...


    marion


  • Ithica silver member
    June 4, 2008

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    WOW!!! Now this was an awesome write!!! One that not only tugged at my heartstrings, but hit like a knee to the gut... [ I too did some shredding and burning... not too long ago! Ouch! Congrats. on the Silver, but was my personal choice for the Gold!!!

  • silverfish
    June 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    truly wonderful storytelling. i like it so much i'm going to dump ms. smith and marry you. how do you feel about espresso? -silverringfish


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      June 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You're supposed to ASK, 'Fish, not simply announce it as a fait accompli!

      Thank you.


  • Amera gold member
    June 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is is one of your best in emotional image. I found myself saying; "NO DON'T BURN IT!". I really hope this does well in the contest because I think it's world class.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Sagerider
    June 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I have to love this one

    Some one else's treasures. I thought Marry Me should have been in a happy color because it must have been a happy occasion when it was written and treasured for years after that. I have two old wrenches I bought in a yard sale, obviously treasured by their former owner and discarded by his heirs. Beautiful craftsmanship and I treasure them. At some point I will pass them on to my son and I know he will love them too and use them with a warm feeling.

  • Bad Bill
    June 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This could so easily have been sloppily sentimental, but you have avoided all the pitfalls and produced an excellent poem. Very well done.

    Bill


  • Gold Hat
    June 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    With due respect to the previous reviewer, the way I read it was that the soldier was unknown to the person going though a (dead?) woman's possessions. Am I wrong? I don't want to put the kybosh on this by giving it too much praise, but it really is very good.


  • pantress silver member
    June 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I as I red it over I realized that the photo was of an unknown soldier boy.....damn now I have to start all over again

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      June 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, Jennifer. The narrator of the poem is someone going through someone else's possessions, maybe after their death. But you certainly had an interesting interpretation. Thank you.

  • pantress silver member
    June 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    priceless

    A work of art is looked at differently by each person who sees it. The photo of the soldier boy, led me to believe that he had asked her before going to war, though he did not return. She kept the cards all these years as a momento and it was time she moved on with her life. to do so she must rid herself of his memory and the cards. Contest luck, not needed. Go ahead and put the trophy on the shelf. jennifer


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    June 2, 2008

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    This bought a tear to my eye as I thought of the two lives that you have written so beautifully about.
    This is one of yours that leaves me speechless.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    June 2, 2008
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    This is as good as it gets.


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    June 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    am sensing a gold here ... from top to bottom ... you put in all the elements, you even have the beginning of a luscious and bitter sweet novel ... this could, in fact, be the beginning page of such a novel...

    this is the best by far, at least so far, and she will know it


    the callousness of 'stuff to be burned' ... simply adds effectiveness to the poem, for who says the personna must always be such a sweet, noble person; entirely elegant is this poem

    just the way she likes them

    Moqui

1 - 17 of 17