time bleeds its dark fluids into a vessel of translucent deception
the seeds of truth sufficate in shadow
aching words of unyielding stupidity seep through the contours of wry deeds
like a sour infernal nectar of bitterness
the taste of too many lost horizons
there glows hovering in the distance
sunken behind the stale fruits of undieing love for the world
dreary days held like a locket
to a slow beating heart
unfinished
Comments
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I like this one dear... and I only found one nit that needs fixing:
sunken behind the stale fruits of [undieing] love for the world
should be: [ undying ]
one suggestion would be to split line three up
start a new line at the word 'seep' because
that line is just a very long breath to read
as one line and by the time you finish it as one
line you almost forget what the first part of the line
said, however if you split it up and read it as two lines you can easily remember what the line before it read... would just strengthen your piece a bit more and give it some added depth, is only a suggestion and doesn't take away from your piece if not followed, is still very much a good write.
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a good piece of poetry, the seeds of truth - they will never die completely, there ios always light to make them grow
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