How many trickles,
have passed through this rocky bend,
since the river first awoke?
~~~
On this Autumn day,
far more than the spring witnessed,
less than the mouth has spoken.
Andrew Hide
27~12~2003
Author notes
Written December 27th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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very good
The mouth of the river, both a literal defintion and then again the language of water.
An excellent poem. I am always pleased when I visit your site.
John -
Very, Very vivid imagery.
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This is very good. A hiuku i'm guessing. Using the idea of nature and wondering about things that have been around was a good idea to write about. GOod work and keep up the good work.
Jason
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yeah, how WOULD you count a trickle? hmmm?
--Glass
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its really good how you did this. very clever and succinct with a cool message. a very wise poem by a very wise person.it sort of accepts nature and comments on it so well and has a touch of wittiness about it.
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In the true traditional japanese style, this haiku was extremely thought provoking, wonderfully elegant and definitely traditional!!
I absolutely loved it!!
To so simply be able to catch the ephemeral essence of nature is just beyond me, and I applaud you!!
Thank you for sharing this with all of us. -
Andrew, what can I say, that the others haven't already. I love the simplistic view point of this, yet it can any reader to so many different levels of understanding, which is where the complexity of this piece lies. I see a man, standing at the mouth of a river, pondering his life, wondering if all the words he has ever spoken are ever heard by those who he searches for???? ahem, well that's my point of view.. LOLOLOLOL
HAPPY NEW YEAR MY FRIEND
~GILL~xxx -
kinda short...and I'm not quite sure what it was a bout but...I think I liked it. Expand a bit, and...it was suppossed to be short, right? Anyway, this good! the imagery was nice! I liked it!
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Very many trickles. Makes me wonder if I can actually count the number of trickles there.. Hehe. Great and inspiring Andrew, very nice flow to it as well!
Ilse -
What a Beautiful, thought provoking... but at the same time, serene piece. As a nature lover, I can appreciate this piece well, reminds of the river bed near home. Excellent form!
Nicole -
very nicely penned...the idea of keeping track of the trickles and how many each day...is there a heavenly accountant for all of nature's forces....and for all of our indiscretions and goodness.....perhaps..and if it is so...will we not favor the good more and the stream trickle at will...Artis
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Oh, yes , this is a very beautiful form, especially when wrotten by you. Very serene and thought provoking.
Beautiful, beautiful -
It was beautifully written. It is an enjoyable piece of writing. It had a calm feeling to it.
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A pleasure to read Andrew, thank you for posting. -darmok
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Well of course the crowd goes wild. This is just superb Andrew. I really like the simplicity and complexity of this. The wording and form are somewhat conveyed in simple elegance but the meaning and beauty is complex. An enjoyable piece.
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Thank you for posting this beautiful work- so much to think on how few time there is really left for each of us- simply perfect!
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Andrew This poetic format is quite intriguing.I have searched the web for a detailed description of it,but found none.I am anxious to see what Haikumonk has to say.I enjoyed your poem.Bill
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The end of the year is seeing you in a philosophical reflective and pensive mood.
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The Mondo, is a very old Japanese form, I believe it was the fore runner for the Haiku.
It is built from two poetic forms, ( Katauta ) with onji pattern of 5-7-7, it would often be written by two poets, one would right the first Katauta, as a question, the second would write an answer in the same form. They would then be joined together to make the Mondo.
At least that is the way I believe it works, (I'll have to check with the Haikumonk to be sure.)
Andrew -
What form were you trying out here? Is this some sort of haiku or senryu, or some other oriental form? It's very pretty. Interesting thoughts here...
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