Silence echoes for days,
slipping in and out of consciousness.
[Don't make a sound]
Grasping hands, reaching out
praying silently to the gods that
they won't come this time.
[They won't come if your quiet.]
Crouching down,
curling up, make yourself as small as possible,
or perhaps, even smaller.
[Just a tiny little child]
Asking questions
you know won't be answered,
because they won't be heard.
[praying it won't hurt this time]
Author notes
Personal experience
A contest entry
- The voice that goes unheard by Starz of Heaven.
525 points, ended June 3, 2008, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round Contest! Round 1 of 4. Everyone welcome. by FightOffYourDemons.
350 points, ended June 11, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Before I comment on the poem, is that a typo in the title? Or is it supposed to be tenuous? Tenuious? Tenacious?
Anyway, to the poem. It has so much potential, but it's cliche in a lot of ways. You have original ideas, but a cliche base. Try poetic devices like imagery, metaphor, similes, alliteration, anything to make it really stand out and become a whole piece. Thanks for entering
Jeanette*~
P.S. I hope you take my suggestions light-heartedly
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This is really good. Captivating and storytelling.
and really raw and emotionally painful at the same time.
It is really very good. and I like the format.
It really works for the poem
Thanks for entering!
Nikki -
Oh gosh many can relate to this poem I know that I can in time I do hope things get better for you thanks for sharing much love always
.
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Oh my....s.... i know this allllll tooooooooo welll! more then i wish to admit but they always end up coming anyway.... and it always hurts oneway or the other....
you have writen a very awsome poem here... sadly beautiful...... hugs my dear friend...! i wish you luck in this contest. altho i wish you didnt know this pain....! hugs.....!
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