who wants to take away
the gray whispers
in my memory?
i twisted radio static
into my stomach,
and there was an impression
in the bedsheets
of a monster
and a man;
and paint peeling
off pick-up trucks,
i slept off the nightshade
in the trunk,
thinking of you.
you left a grape-taste
under my fingernails,
and i thought i heard
the rain when i woke
my need-fire
to your empty bed.
i thought,
don't cry,
through the song of a choir
humming your ash song
back at me.
it was sunday morning,
and that meant the sun
was scorching sinners
in its mouth, and god
was perpetually angry
at me.
he said,
the blind
will sometimes
lead the blind.
but my mouth,
and eyes,
and ears
were missing.
i could still feel
your fingertips.
i said,
save me.
Author notes
Inspiration: Static on the Radio by Jim White.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=q2DyPVDIpTM
yeah...
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 8: Underdogs vs. Newbies (Round 9: Top 6) by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended June 5, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I didn't care for the beginning really -
but I do think it picks up with stanza two. Some of the imagery was a bit off for me, but the tone of the piece was cohesive.
Really nicely done. -
It pisses me off when I type a comment & AP eats it. Long story short, the fourth stanza read awkward, I didn't care for "& eyes/& ears", I would have used just one of those personally & kudos for keeping my attention throughout poem.
-
the opening was okay for me; i liked it, but i was like 'ehhh. idk, whatever'. The middle was great. The ending was very good. The last two lines, eh, it was okay. it didnt jump out as me as WOW.
But as I was reading in the middle I was thinking "wow".
Overall, very strong.
-
damn! i kind of hate you now.
[i never lie.
the happy is good.]
-
holy shit.
you owned this round, 100% absolutely. this blows me away..... hahaha. its fantastic
-cassidy
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