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Smoke Me

The suffocation of yourself

leaves me to exhale

all the desires

to burn my heart

and leave this soul,

            black.

 

Taunting death

with hallowed words

now lungs will never speak

the way I felt

    ~once~

in a dream

   called life.

 

Calm solitude

   of release,

that scarlet drains

would never bring;

    but your whispered

                existence

has soaked my being.

 

The clock is ticking

and all there is left to do

         is breathe

but the mind has ways

of breaking concepts

 with the eyes

    of ceased,
            purpose.

and darling,

 

    it's true.





 

Author notes

pic credit:Smoking .... by =philcopain

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • The Unknown Poet1
    July 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    bravo!

  • bluelion
    July 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    different yet outstandin


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I agree ..it is tue..you are very true...a wonderful piece indeed..well done..and my thanks for sharing it ..my friend...


  • TyrannyForestFairy
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Stunning!

    Great composition. I loved this to bits, the metaphors incorporated within are awesome. You have created great work with this picture in how you interpretted it. The visual composition is wonderful and I loved how this piece ended with the lines 'and darling, it's true'. great work!

  • ajourney4u
    July 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great peice, says so much in just a few short words


  • blueyez
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this... and it's amazing that when you think abot it... smoking is something you do breathe into your lungs yet as you breathe it in... it seems to steal that breath back as it keeps the oxygen from you! Wonderful metaphors in this write!
    Peace and Love

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great piece sweety I am proud that you got this featured a great write from you best wishes and much love always congrats on your HM


  • buffsab99
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations

    My daughter got a feature Awesome. Your daddy is so proud of you


  • echo-ink
    July 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    This was awesome, luna, so beautiful, love, MUM


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, I can't believe this didn't take more than an honorable mention... exceptional write and congrats on being featured


    whisper


  • Angelflower
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Bravo hun... You really did a wonderful job.. I really liked the way you took the picture and made it come alive with emotion.. You really did beautifully.. Congrats on the hm.. I thought it deserved more but that's just me..


    Angel


  • sailor ptolema
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, I like this! What eloquence! This is clear, concise, poignant, and effectual! Congrats on the HM!

    ~Pt


  • Allisaurous
    July 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    you are an inspirational young poet. I envy your talent and ability to tickle the mind with imagery


  • notorious
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on being featured

    "The suffocation of yourself
    leaves me to exhale"
    How unbearable that person would have to be!! Love these opening lines (:

    "Taunting death
    with hallowed words
    now lungs will never speak
    the way I felt
    ~once~
    in a dream
    called life."
    Wonderfully well-written stanza.

    "that scarlet drains
    would never bring;
    but your whispered
    existence
    has soaked my being."
    Love this!! "whispered existence" is particularly nice, as is the verb use of 'soaked'...this may be my favorite write of yours...

    "and all there is left to do
    is breath"
    I think you meant breathE...as in breathing oxygen, not 'breath', which would be e.g. 'a single exhale of breath'...

    Nice bolding of true...
    This is FANTASTICAL x infinite!!!


  • Florida Sunshine
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Abstract write~ I chuckled to myself when I first clicked your poem to read. Many things rolled through my mind that I could smoke. When I read your poem... I was blown away [Ha the unintentual pun]. EXCELLENT job... You definately have a 'WOW' factor to this write.

    Thanks for entering


  • Volfeng
    June 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I am running out of adjectives...wow


  • Weltt
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very interesting picture and I loved your take on it. The presentation on this piece made is easy to read and it flowed smoothly. The ending was phenomenal. best of luck in the contest!


  • Lil-Bit Crazy
    June 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    holy cow girl your amazing...! i loved it... the pic is kewl too... thanks for shaing this....! hugs...

  • buffsab99
    June 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Amazing, I have been trying to quit smoking for years. This speaks to me about why do we inhale all that is bad in life but exhale what is good. You never cease to amaze me my friend

1 - 23 of 23