Sprinkled afar of the atmosphere,
Where cosmic things may reveal intrusion
Of enthralling elements clairvoyant and clear
Stewing, brewing masses of nuclear fusion.
Contracting gas and dust in space
To form a vast and solid conclusion
That what we behold no longer to face
Is a star’s formation and scheming allusion.
Across a galaxy of grandeur’s elite,
The striking scene of mass confusion
Ignites a folly astronomers compete
To deem their study of lofty illusions.
Amidst the trifles perceived by the queer,
We stand in awe--maybe those stars are just delusions.
Author notes
"Inter Astrum" is Latin for "Among Stars". This was actually just a poem I was forced to write for school, and I figured nothing productive has come out of me lately so I'd post it. Not the greatest, I understand, but hey, it is my first sonnet!
Anything Specific To Improve On?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Very well done
Loved the lines," That what we behold no longer to face," adds a new and haunting depth to the work.
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For something you were forced to write, it still was amazing.
Your imagery was stunning.
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I feel the theme here is intriguing and the
vocabulary set to form makes it a focused piece.
Then too, it can be bent to perspective and that
is always the mark of quality writes when it
comes to poetry. Blue
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Good
Far out and well done .I found this to be s stunningly beautiful work
.my friend and Thanks for these wonderful thoughts, written well, thank you and may God always bless you. There was no error. No typos. Nothing to change. I look forward to your next write
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It is a good attempt at a sonnet. There are a lot of adjectives but you have made them flow well utilizing alliteration & rhyme. In places it reminds me of some of Gerard Manley Hopkins' work. The rhyme scheme is original, mind you, you can do what you like with a sonnet really (some aren't even 14 lines)but if I were you I would do a re-write, keeping a lot of the themes & all that superb alliteration. If it makes it easier to flow, try & match the syllable count of each line. There are some great ideas, you certainly have a lot of material to play with. I think if you rhymed the final couplet it might seem to end more completely. Often in sonnets, after the first 8 lines there is a 'volta' or about-face where the theme of the poem either changes suddenly or tries to explain the first part. It might be an idea to try something like that.
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Nice job - very eloquently worded
In fact, I love "maybe those stars are just delusions" to the point where I want to steal it! -
Interesting!
You just made me want to study what a sonnet actually is!
I love to gaze at the stars & at one time I used to do more than that! Good description of some astronomical science in a literary form.
Nice timing & rhyming! For a first I think you did a great job! For something that was forced it doesn't seem so & that's a testament to your skill as a writer! 
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Love it
this is really good
its very well written
good job
=] =] :] :]
xxx--<3--
Shelly -
I really like your theme choice for a sonnet, which usually talks of exalted love. I think the final two lines should be a rhyming couplet though. Lovely imagery which just rolls off the tongue.
'enthralling elements clairvoyant and clear
Stewing, brewing masses of nuclear fusion.'
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Great!!!
Hey man...I like this alot. Awesome use of words
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I really liked this, it was nicely written and I like the usage of the longer, uncommonly used words. =]
Fantastic job.
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