The tide is closing in on me,
Climb, climb the crumbling sands!
Steeper by the moment, I slip,
Back towards the watery menace.
Looking up I see a wall of silt,
Behind, the weed strewn grave.
Tumbling backwards, now engulfed,
Dark waves flowing over my head.
Gasping, heavy weight upon my chest,
Rapid beats, perspiration and pain.
The screen in my mind shows once again
My struggle to escape the inevitable.
Author notes
This is a dream that I used to have. Maybe not being able to swim prompted it.
A contest entry
- Beyond The Walls Of Sleep ~ PIF by nichtmich.
900 points, ended June 16, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Nobody really knows the meaning of dreams maybe because you can't swim or maybe because you feel you are out of control and you feel your emotions are out of control and you feel yourself slipping into the feelings of dispair and are going under with no hope of escaping.Any ways your rhyming is really good not forced at all.great write,thanks for writing.
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I loved this, it hand that on the edge of your seat quality. I felt myslef willing you on but then at the end found myself relating to that moment when you just accept what is going to happen. I thouhgt your final stanza was great, it was really easy to feel the tension with your description of the heart beats. Dreams are strange things but I wish you many happy ones in the future x
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this really captures the essecnce of a nightmare, I think. It also made me think of a struggle with life, trying to keep your head above the water, so to speak. Sounds like a really awful recurring dream. The imagery in this is really powerful. I can see why it won a silver trophy- congratulations.
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Excellent
Ah, vivid imagery, indeed, and very well written. imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Again, very well done. -
The beauty of a poem usually lies either in its fascinating imagery or in its intensity of emotions. This lyric seems to be in thr first category. The images of the tide, sands, a wall of silt,the sea, etc., create a vivid picture.
It is an enticing poem, to say the least.
Rahi
. Rewarded 6
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I truly enjoyed the idea of the recurring dream and the struggle to escape the unnamed menace. For you, it is the water, but the fear assumes different aspects to different people. Congratulations on the Silver!
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I love the imagery you set forth in this piece. If I can offer an interpretation, it would be a concious effort to avoid change. Something like rebellion against a divorce or marriage. You know, stuff like that.
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oh wow, this is a great dream poem! and its so much more...
I've had dreams similar to this...where I keep falling toward the ocean bottom, but I can't reach the surface because I've forgotten how to swim... but anyway
this was a great little piece with well chosen diction, and great imagery!
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Oh I had a dream like this and I often wonder was it me trying to get somewhere in life that I could not get this is a great piece thanks for sharing much luck *hgu*
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