Having felt the true awareness beauty brings
Here blindly corresponding' overdue,
Leaves sentiment for daydreams to review
Whilst pondering on thoughts of lovely things,
Like you, whose effervescence shines so bright,
As lily pads, complete me like the clouds
Where every need with perseverance, light
Shows godly, the intentions wrapped in shrouds
They're woven from your loveliness, delight!
Though death, may have composed the lullaby,
To sleep with you majestically laments
A heavenly abode, so commonsense
Can teach me what is beautiful, I die.
The remnants of a life-time play pretend
Conceived in new beginnings, not the end.
Author notes
Your beauty is heavenly.
A contest entry
- MYSTERIOUS BEAUTY by Swan song.
500 points, ended June 21, 2008, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sonnet by Surrey: Open to all: Write YOUR sonnet! # 125 by Lyndon.
6000 points, ended October 12, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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You begin with an anapestic foot but that is okay.
Perfect iambic pentameters otherwise.
I remember reading this poem in another place last January! There should be no comma after 'Heavenly' in the title. I cannot fathom the lone apostrophe in line two. Unlike the Earl, you have a distinct volta and thus sestet.
Rhyme scheme here is: abba cdcd c efef gg.
Naturally, you cannot pass this off as a classical sonnet as you have Fifteen Lines, not 14.
Certainly, it is not the rhyme scheme above which is
abab abab abab cc.
The simile implied in "As lily pads" is not effervescent, is it? And how would it complete you "as the clouds".
This poem aims to be metaphysical and classical but the wording is dense and the lines often do not communicate up or down.
The gist of it is plainly that love begins in glory at death. The title is therefore just.
I will give you this: the work looks well.
Ron.
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Quite lovely! "Conceived in new beginnings, not the end"..marvelous! Best to you in the contest!
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Very good sonnet, and beautiful phrases. Best of luck!
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Awww this is so beautiful, the sentiments it holds are breathtaking, you just chose the perfect words, well done Best to you
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this is simply a atunning poem Well done and thank you for entering
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O titus never was a more beautiful write than this
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stunning
as always, tony, your work is beautiful.
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This is a gorgeous write like liquid silk upon heated sands, we have stood the test of time and still have remained there for one another, never waivering. You are an amazing man and a glorious poet. I love and adore you.
Love always
angel
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oh wow this is so beautiful,
the background is just stunning as well,
as for the poem it blew me away,
i love you so much,
xxx kitty
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