Hell was watching her hold your heart,
white blistered needles drove into my mind
knowing your eyes were hers, your voice
her breath – your words
her command. Softly the green bud
flickered, took root, wrapped each barbed leaf
firm about my brain, crushed all rational sensibilities
in search of a single final comfort – your self
was yours, then mine alone.
Author notes
sassykitty wrote this about a night 2 years ago, better now and even more better when I was proven right and she was history 
A contest entry
- Love/Invisibility by phynix.
390 points, ended June 9, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - make me feel something. by aanika.
1003 points, ended July 20, 2008, 25 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
Awesome comment on jealousy's hold, even if it is for a moment only. Beautifully evoked images that speak of the internal pain of loves betrayal.
-
I enjoyed this one!! Great goob. So many things can be taken from this. It is simple by peice yet so complex as a whole. It's written beautifuly.
-
Great imagery. It's a really good poem. And I like it a lot. I wish you luck in my contest and keep on writing!
-
this shouldn't be in the shameless box; it's too good.
you already know i love it because you placed in my contest
but in case you forgot...
this is beautiful. -
I was in love after blistered needles. Once again supberb!!!!!
-
Oh, I liked this piece and how you worded it. I think you chose a great background as well.
Nicely done!!!!
Hugs,
vampi
-
This was very descriptive - great! Thanks for entering!! Super job!
-
I'm glad...
your better now. But wow the sounds like we males and females go through much the same. Then share while working through the tough stuff. I'm glad your here to share your talent with us all. Thanks -
-
Wow, this was gorgeous. The descriptive vocabulary used throughout to create the imagery was vivid. The emotion expressed was just purely touching, great and beautiful reflection of feelings. My favourite line was 'firm about my brain, crushed all rational sensibilities'. This composition was flawless, stunning, you composed an amazing job, I loved this!!
And congrats on the trophie, you deserved it for a write as good as this.
~Emily~ xx
-
good imagery
wonderfully done.
-
Very eye catching and very capturing to the reader in itself to keep reading on. This is, indeed, a very vivid piece. I must say I ejoyed it. :] Very very well written. Continue the great work! :}
Live
Love
Be
Believe
Blessed be!
~~Winter~
-
Very unique form and description. I think its strength lies in the underlying syntax. It allows for raw imagery and honest prose. Solid write from top to bottom.
-
Thank you for entering my contest. This was a wonderful poem. I enjoyed the lline
"knowing your eyes were hers, your voice"... this is a very unique way of expressing it. Great wwrite and good luck -
...you have no idea how much it pained me to read that all the way....my eyes are watering as we speak lol...i know whow this feels [if this is true] and it hurts when all that used to be yours is handed off to the next person in line to take it
this is a beautiful write...good luck in ur contest -
A really dense write with some vivid imagery. I liked it even though some of it was a bit obscure but I'm just enjoying it!
Good luck in the ocntest.
-
This is an amazing poem... I love the ending - wonderfully done... and the middle was just as captivating in fact... I enjoyed the whole thing... I wish you the best in the contest... this has some great imagery in it, and I love the formatting
Keep writing
Polly
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
