The trees unfurl fresh leaves in rising heat,
Stretching wide branches to the sudden sun
A piper skirls a tune in Princes Street;
While one o'clock's announced with smoking gun.
A tourist stops to snap a kilted Scot,
The saltire flutters from the esplanade,
A rock guitarist gives it all he's got
Beside the path, where girls in shorts parade.
We've learned to grasp brief summer while it stays;
More used to granite skies and curtained rain,
So bask outside on those scarce crystal days
Exposing pallid skins to sunburn's pain:
Beneath the castle's craggy, lowering rock,
They're planting daisies in the floral clock.
Author notes
If you don't know Edinburgh, a gun is fired from the castle every day at one o'clock. You have been warned. And the summer seems finally to have arrived. They are planting out the floral clocks, and mesembryanthemums are used for colour.
A contest entry
- Summer Time by FloridaGatorQueen.
420 points, ended June 7, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Shakespearean Sonnet Competition: "PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN" WORK ONLY. by Vera Rich.
490 points, ended June 15, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Anither ane tae Auld Reekie! G'on yersel, big man!
Ok I can see what Vera means about the adjectives and nouns. If we don't watch out for that pitfall, we can end up like WTMcG, fixing bayonets and charging to skewer any rhyme we can, no matter how banal. I could say:
To Leith now howls the wind from icy North,
And ripples makes upon the Silv'ry Forth.
You get the picture?
The guy is always there with his bagpipes, just on the junction of Princes Street and the back entrance to Waverley. But what about the Silver Man, how dae ye no' mention him?
Good stuff.
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This is a well-wrought sonnet, and makes good use of the volta to pass from pure description to personal reaction.
May I suggest though that - asa general rule for the future - you keep an eye on your use of the structure disyllabic adjective + monosyllabic noun.
Therer is nothing at all wrong with this structure... but when writing iambic pentameters (whether rhymed or blank verse) one can develop a tendency to over-do it, which can make the versification become rather monotonous. And in this piece you use the structure in no less than 6 of the 14 lines, while in two more you end with a monosyllabic noun preceded by a disyllabic noun in the possessive case (i.e. acting adjectivally)! As I said, there is nothing wrong with the structure as such... but do use it with discretion. (It is something I have to watch out for in my own work.. so I know how easy it is to over-use it!).
Your work is fresh and delightful (I particularly relish the joke of "smoking gun!") and it would be a pity to spoil it by letting the rhythm trigger a subconscious sense of boredom.
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This is very nice ...
and a delightful read. Should Princes Street be "Prince's Street" though?
Anyway, other than that, I see nothing that doesn't work perfectly here.
Good job and good luck in the contest.
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There is a convention in the UK that geographical names in the possessive case do not have an apostrophe... possibly because, in some cases, unless one knows the history of the name, it is not always clear where the apostrophe should go. e.g. PALMERS GREEN... which is not called - as one might suppose after someone whose name was Palmer, but which is called after the pilgrims ("palmers" who assembled there to travel the 112 miles up the "Green Lanes" to "England's Nazareth" - Walsingham.
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To be gramatically correct
There should be an apostrophe, I suspect
But is there ever was, I doubt
A Scotsman must have rubbed it out -
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Well, there you go. ;)
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very picturesque
This poem is enough to make me want to visit your town. You have used beautiful words to make it colourful and bright, at least for part of the sunny year. Very enjoyable poetry.
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nice write for the prompt . . good descriptions . . .liked "The trees unfurl fresh leaves in rising heat" and "More used to granite skies and curtained rain" . . good job
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Enjoyed this read and the images of this city you presented so well in this sonnet. Good form and rhythm, rhyme and flow.
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Your sonnet structure is great - two quatrains of atmosphere, a riposte of explication and a nice summation in the couplet - Shakespearean form. The meter is nearly perfect (lines 1,2 have interesting variation).
I enjoyed the images of Edinburgh, the only Scottish city I have visited. In February and March it is "granite skies and curtained rain" as you say, but I refused to believe that Scotland was never favoured by clement weather.
Best of luck in the contest - summer shines here.
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Thanks M. Much appreciated. The weather here is holding up well, and I'm glad you've got summer skies. Clement weather in Scotland? Must have been back in the Jurassic!
Only joking. Best Wishes.
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This is such a beautiful poem. I could picture it as I read it. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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