I will cross my heart, and hope to die.
While stuck in my past obsessing.
But I will not be your "Catcher in the Rye".
You trained me to learn, and then to lie.
As I watched our love undressing.
I will cross my heart, and hope to die.
You made me swear that I would not cry.
I can look that unkept while suppressing.
But I will not be your "Catcher in the rye".
When I broke down, you still asked "why?".
Though I was torching photos, digressing.
I will cross my heart, and hope to die.
With tickets in hand you said "lets fly!".
You make me feel that I'm worth caressing?
But I cannot be your "Catcher in the rye".
Love was a trinket that they taught you to buy.
When you claimed all of my needs depressing.
I will cross my heart, and hope to die
But I will not be your "Catcher in the rye".
Author notes
A villanelle about being forced to be someone you're not
By someone you trusted and loved.
Written December 27th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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hm i see the diaper now really clearly on the picture.
i love this poem. as i stated below the first time i read it.
thats it
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LostPriest probably couldn't get a feel from it because it isn't isosyllabic. Villanelles don't work unless they are at least isosyllabic and preferably written in iambic pentameter.
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Actually, I've seen plenty of villanelles work without iambic pentameter. If you think so rigid like that, your poetry's
going to be stiff, and nosey. Lets take a look shall we.
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wow... this was great.
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"As I watched our love undressing.
I will cross my heart, and hope to die."
That may be my favorite line from this poem. I love the imagry, the tone you had throughout this. "Love was a trinket that they taught you to buy." Great job, and good luck in the contest! -
that's because it's a villanelle,
Ages beyond your ah... ability. -
You didn't obey the rules of my contest so you cannot win it. But it isn't bad. Personally I couldn't get a feel for it, so I must say not bad.
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very nice - even just the title, thank you for entering my contest I appreciate it!
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villanelles always get me. this is very catchy. i like it even though i have somewhat of a distaste for salinger.
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hmm nice a villanelle. Nicely written. Sorry to hear about your broken heart, but unfortunently we all have to deal with that from time to time. My favorite lines are "You trained me to learn, and then to lie.
As I watched our love undressing." Good job and good luck in the contest.
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YOUGOTTHEPOWER
Wonderful rave against a wrongful lover ..excellent write -
Love was a trinket that they taught you to buy.
When you claimed all of my needs depressing.
I will cross my heart, and hope to die
But I will not be your "Catcher in the rye".
Very good and I loved it man. Hit right down onto pure sadness and that's what I love in poems like this. Excellent! -
To me villanelle are nearly impossible to write so full props to you on a job well done. The poem was excellent in form and created a very readable poem. Combining imagery with the form was excellent and the repeptition of the villanelle accented the poem very well. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the poem.
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thanks for entering but u didnt put any poems ud commented on here
it was an interesting piece i like the use of repetition
keep writing -
I like the form you took on this poem. I am a more free verce writer so I admire peises that pull a good form off. good job!
~blond chick -
Wow...I love the style...the rhyme is impeccable. This is great...I was hooked by the title...made me think of "Breakfast at Tiffany's" which is my FAVORITE movie This is so bittersweet, loved it...definitely well-written
Edited on Mar 29, 10:32 because 'I wasn't paying attention to what I wrote lol'. -
wow awesome write i liked it
i liked the rhyme scheme as well
good write an good luck in teh contest
~Jen~ -
Wonderfully written, horus8. I hope to see more from you!
Good luck
Lana -
This was nicely written.GOOD LUCK!
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Cool, I know not yet what a villanelle would be, so I suppose I have to go look it up (I've never paid attention to that sort of thing, but spending as much time in this weird little poetry universe, I guess I have to now.). Re the sweater pic... it seems like a lot of your photos came out of catalogs or something... model-esque.
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I''m with you sister.
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Yes, I know it is a villanelle - but no taboo to sing this, not so?
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you have a very sexy way with words. plus who is the sexy guy in the knitting pattern illustration?
i loved this poem.you know i wish people spoke like this in real life it would be so much more interesting.its great stuff. -
I love vilanelles, and this is wonderful. It's so smart, almost witty, yet still filled with pain. Beautiful job.
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It's a vilanelle, but I like to add something like that to ah, add emphasis and flavour, I guess.
Edited on Dec 27, 4:10 because ''. -
Good for you, Horus8 ... Determination, within this write ...
It is a song, not so? The repetition - effective - added to the descision made: "will not be your "Catcher in the rye'" And the "cannot"? Any reason for changing that second last stanza?
Interesting read. Thanks for sharing.
Myra
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