Mother Earth has changed her gown
the scent of flowers has came around
to settle on this place once more
we would be together this time we swore.
Father Time is losing track
(of everything) hes turned his back
and now we have no time to waste
come with me and please make haste...
We will run away and change their minds
nothing left to leave behind
just heavy breathing,a hint of skin
We should have been together then
But nothing is quite as it seems
all is the same in laughter and screams
a change of tone,a slighter breath
is there a difference in life and death
I would be lying if I were to say:
Its better that you did not stay
So i will tell you the honest truth...
I cant help it,Im missing you.
Author notes
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Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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thanks for the comment on my poem. i think yours is a beautiful peom. i love the rhyming and the emotion put into it. good job!
-patty
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a soft offering here, mother nature and father time, and we, the children, running from home to find our own feet in the world it appears to me here, a good poem.
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http://allpoetry.com/addline/show/2333243
humz, Superb
I felt if there were typos, other than that it's one of more nicely penned, you write so deep, and im loving your words, bcz they seem my own words
where had you been for so many days?
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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vanilla ice cream smooth
while not a big fan of structured poetry (i always percieve structure as a barrier for expression) it works with this piece. you roll with the formal structure and include formal allusions. in this strict form its definately hard to follow both the patter and produce a solid meter. i would reccomend revising the last line in the third stanza. i think its both unclear and kinda disrupts the flow. i'd recommend either a more direct approach to the implications in the stanza this way you can both wrap the idea up and introduce some new language and replace the "staggering" 'then.'
otherwise i enjoyed the entire piece and am quite grateful you shared!
peace,
---wil
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This was beautiful. And it flowed perfectly.
More please!
Hugs,
Tisha
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You're right, I like it very much. So many seem to have this same feeling. I hate it ... I feel out of control and miserable. It's hard to write about because I cannot find the words but you on the other hand have done it perfectly.
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Aww, this is so sad! You've given yourself & still that person is away. I love the references to Mother Earth & Father Time, two of my faves! Nicely done!
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