Mausoleum for memories;
which elsewhere persist subliminal -
you seem as swarm of locusts,
to presently tattered heart,
as you devour.
which elsewhere persist subliminal -
you seem as swarm of locusts,
to presently tattered heart,
as you devour.
Author notes
image credit: http://32tsunami.deviantart.com/art/Dark-Farm-42016751
A contest entry
- 10/20/20 Quickie.... by kiwigirljacks.
600 points, ended May 31, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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You can do twited with such flair... should I worry about you as I do a few others?? hehe! Dark and dramatic...
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okay, this one I think I need some help with
old = first line
subconscious thoughts = second
investation = 3rd
eating my heart = 4th and 5th
is that about right?
congrats on the gold
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That's it.
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This is great Marky congrats on Gold love you
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very nice take on the prompt..I can feel the darkness of it..great job
Ruby
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oh as you devour...strong Mark..dark wonderufl take on the pic, a winner in my eyes
Hope u do well
Cind
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The picture does actually look to to capture subliminal haunting memories and tattered heart!!
Love the darkness in this.. gave me a chill... one I can relate to very well!
Excellent
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Excellent title to begin...
Great soundings here in a tongue twisted sort of way.
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I only know the word 'mausoleum' from being an avid Buffy the Vampire Slayer watcher...knowing the meaning of the word makes me appreciate the usage of the word here...great first opening line.
"which elsewhere persist subliminal"
Should be it be 'persists'? I think it should...
"as you devour."
A great last line...which makes me think of Buffy season seven...ANYWAYS, nice poem and I'll stop talking about Buffy.
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I am thinking that if memories were memory you would be correct.
memory persists
memories persist
Now if I had said where instead of which, It would seem I was referring to the mausoleum in which case you would be correct.
English is a funny language, isn't it? lol
Buffy is cool.
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I didn't read carefully enough.
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Great feel taken from prompt - Awesomely written! "tattered heart" "swarm of locusts" "Mausoleum for memories"... although I have no clue what a mausoleum is teehee Best of luck!!
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A mausoleum is one of those fancy tombs which are above ground.
Thanks for reading. -
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Oh cool! Thanks for getting back to me on that
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