I look at the train and i dream
Dreams that are unreal
Or so they seem
The train is loading at the station
Should I get on?
To get away from my pain
Should I run to it
In the pooring rain
Days start to get cold
Living day by day
In this broken household
But the train still comes
Should I get on
I could leave before dawn
Is today the day?
For me to runaway
Author notes
Beautiful pick nice cam work and I no that this is 16 lines idk why it say 30 I counted and please I had to make it 16 it just flowed out I am very srry please look past this it is a wonderful poem again srry for it not being 15 lines
A contest entry
- Great PICTURE PROMPT!! Quickie! by sailor ptolema.
451 points, ended June 1, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
do you like it and to let you no this is about a child who lives by a train station that is going threw abuse at home and thinks about running away you might have got that just wanted to make sure =)
Comments
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WHOA!I like this poem a lot!Nice poem!It had a nice flow to it.
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this is lovely poem!
I love the metaphor about the train as away to runaway from life's problems...its a feeling everyone goes through, I think, at some point in their life.
a few minor grammatical naggings
1." i should be capitalized
2. household is one word
3. you forgot the 'e' after before...might want to fix these
this is a very heartfelt poem, it asks such pleading questions...
I like the form as well...usually I wouldn't like double spaced all the way through, but it works for this piece, same goes for the capitalization of each beginning letter...not my favorite form...but you are consistent all the way through, which pleases me.
well done!
thanks for entering & g'luck
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