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the shape of rain

 
 
 
 
 
some days
she tastes of lime-
 
a three faced
stone,
 
she understands the means
of water
weighed within.
 
 
where shifted smooth
by memory
a slender tide unwinds
his shore,
carries grains of empty
past a dry-sky depth
 
and almost ready
to forget
and half-wise willing
to believe,
 
she understands that rain
is a shape,
 
a shade of all things
caught
before they fell,
 
like tears
with the salt removed 
or the angles
of a sea

 

before the circle set.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Mallig gold member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    This is just stunning, so powerful and affecting. I really loved this poem. These lines especially grabbed me, "she understands that rain
    is a shape,

    a shade of all things
    caught
    before they fell" Congratulations on the gold!


  • Allyce May
    June 18

    Edit | Reply
    I don't even know what to say about this; it was magic from the beginning - right from the part about lime. It flows like water too, deep and soft and thoughtful; so very readable.

    "or the angles
    of a sea

    before the circle set."

    Sighhhh. Wonderful poetry.

    Thanks for sharing


  • Faithbound gold member
    June 6
    Edit | Reply
    You are beautiful.


  • misselaineous gold member
    June 1
    Edit | Reply

    you write "water" so very very well


  • RedAquarius
    June 1

    Edit | Reply
    So many lovely lines, I cannot choose. I especially like the opening line and tasting of lime - a bit sour, sweet, refreshing and puckering - all at once - what a visual and a layered meaning. Then again, the ending portion, describing rain's shape is just magnificent. Can I borrow your brain next time I need to write?


  • Night Hope gold member
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    "where shifted smooth
    by memory
    a slender tide unwinds
    his shore,
    carries grains of empty
    past a dry-sky depth"

    This stanza alone moved me to the core; if you only knew...Sighhh...I've always maintained that grief is like the tide, ebbing & flowing. Some days, the current is warm & generous...other days, the storms beneath the surface are ferocious & cruel. I completely agree with Friday. You SHOULD write a book. Your talent is undeniably luminous ~ I can see the sparks from here. Good luck in Allyce's contest, my Friend. I think she's gonna love it. Such depth within these incredible lines. Wanda


  • Friday gold member
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    You always write with such feeling that, as a reader, one can't help getting caught up in it, you don't want to try and stay removed. There's just something about your work that's unique, no matter the content. I'm sure Heather, Chandni and Jeanette will all roll their eyes because I've told them the same thing (and meant it completely) but I would love to see a book by you.
    Beautiful as always.


  • Naridill gold member
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    'she understands that rain
    is a shape'

    Just that phrase skipped a beat in my chest. It is such a metaphor in itself and reads on its own as well.

    As for the rest & as a poem, itself. Was imagery stricken and a beautifully casted metaphor. You speak always with a voice of purity when writing and it shows in the strength of words.

1 - 8 of 8