We walk down a scenic path
No words being spoken
As I look in your eyes and smile
‘I love you’
We stop to enjoy the view
Face to face, hand in hand
and as I look over your shoulder
The blue sky, the sun and everything beautiful
As you look behind me
Grey skies, rain and desolate grounds
We begin to spin around
As we hold hands and not let go
This little scenic path is the border
Between love & hate; shadowed by friendship
Deep down inside, we both feel the same
‘I love you’
A contest entry
- What About Love? by GypsyEyes.
500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 132 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - star crossed lovers by Cerbie20.
1325 points, ended August 31, 2008, 87 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything-prewrites allowed-2nd contest by Midgetbridgey.
350 points, ended July 11, 2008, 245 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Release Me by sensualbutterfly.
300 points, ended July 28, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Break my heart and make me cry by God is my reality.
900 points, ended August 11, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Hey guys, my first poem posted up to the outside world...feedback is GREATLY appreciated
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I don't think this is quite right for my contest, but I thank you for entering. It was a lovely write and I enjoyed it
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Oh so true the fine line between friendship and love. This is one of those that kept my attention all the way to the end. Thank you very much for sharing with me
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cerbie just imed me and told me i had to read this, and now i know why... i know the feeling, big time. i am completely and totally head over heals in love with my best friend, and he is in love with me as well... however, we are both worried about out friendship, the distance, and the fact that he is kinda engaged to this other girl... we know that it could never happen, though that is something that the both of us want more than anything... and the whole part where you mentioned the whole hate and love thing.... well... many people refer to mine and his friendship as a love hate friendship, how we act like friends that 'hate' each other, but anyone can see that we are totally in love. im sorry that you must go through this. i would not wish this upon anyone, and i really hope that this ends really good for you. very good job. i really really really like this poem!
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this is such a good poem. my friend lessie is going through this same exact thing. she is helping me cojudge, so i will tell her that she must look at this poem. it is freakingly so much like what she is going through, its crazy... are you lessie in a different profile? jk. but seriously, good poem. it sucks when you are stuck in between that fine line of friendship and love... and you know that you have to stay friends for the better good, though you know deep down that the better good is what you want... well, the better good for you anyway and not other people. seriously, this is a really good piece. keep it up!
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this is so sad and lovely,
i like this its so painfully beautiful,
full of longing and desire,
all my love ,best of luck in the contest,
kitty xxx -
i love it
this is poem is great i hope you keep writing coz yu are amazing i love reading your poems hope to hear from yu soon -
It's very good! It sounds slightly like something I may have written so I can relate but also different than my writing.
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Memories
Paints a very vivid picture in my mind of a day in the past...and the blue sky/grey sky analogy...just spinning uncontrollably between the two extremes...strikes a chord with me. Keep posting more hun =)
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Very beautiful writing indeed. Well done. I like the emotion and imagery that this conveys.
With
Dark
Wishes
Wayne Leon
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I love how you express the two different views in 2nd and 3rd verse. It is as if when you see your lover and think about your past with him/her - you see happiness, but when your lover looks at you and his/her past with you - he/she only has negative feelings.
and the 1st two lines of the last verse. if two friends become lovers - and then break up - then that friendship can never be the same again.
enjoyable(as in good) and easy read.
keep them coming! -
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thank you
i appreciate the feedback and yes i will keep them coming =P.
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I like this little 'story' which has such a deeper meaning. The end explains the rest of it and it has a nice 'moral' or a meaning.
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Wonderful write, full of vivid images.
So much said without words ... the way real love is often shared.
Welcome to AP!
You're off to an incredible beginning poet!
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thank you
thank you so much for feedback, I will be posting more and more. Keep in touch!
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Great write!!!
First poem and see what a stunner this is-you have managed to paint a soft pretty pictureedged with deep feelings of love and like you sid,' path is the border
Between love & hate;'-I personally think this is a real cool write-Welcome to AP
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