Chills down your spine,
close to fear.
You hear her whisper
in your ear.
"Prepared to breathe
your last breath?
And surrender into
the arms of Death."
Gentle, concerned faces
surround.
Echoes of stifled
sobs sound...
The priest's prayers
are a silent mime.
She smiles and says,
"Its almost time"
Her cold, invisible hand
upon your fevered brow.
Your freedom looms
much closer now.
Your wife's warmth
from afar,
How varied the touches
of comfort are.
Your eyes fixated
upon her calm face.
A dying man's final
distant gaze.
With a tender kiss,
she steals your breath.
Your broken, pained body
welcomes Death.
Author notes
Ok, this is my look at the relieving aspect of death... the ailing body finally surrendering to peace... Hope u like it
LR
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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and its lovely :)
beautifully dark ..
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excellent, thank you
I found it quite dark at first, then slowly uplifting. Nicely versed and rhymed. Excellent
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thank u!!! sorry about the late reply..
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Excellent
Aye, 'tis a fine poignant write. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks you for sharing this one with us. -
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belated thank u!!!
(on 'Death's embrace')
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oh my god I love the way you write. check this out I bet you cant put your pens and pencils down and when youre done writing your like "what the hell, where did that come from" I do it all the time. Sweet thanks for the read
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Lol!! yea that is true.. half of the time I don't know what i've written until i look down n actually read it.. i like it that way, i prefer not thinkin at times heheheh!
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totally awesome, the rhyme was good, and the way you wrote, AWESOME. i love it, love it, love it.
couldnt have done a better job.
-sara
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Its actually quite good. I really enjoyed the first stanza. It flows quite nicely, well done.
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wowwwwwww! I'm so bookmarking this! I loved the flow as it seemed to just slide off of my tongue like butter! You read it intently like watching a scene unfold in a movie on the edge of your chair!!!! Bravo!!! I think I shall bookmark this so I can read it again adn I'm gonna feature it!
well done!
Peace and Love
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im so glad u liked it.. was experimenting with different aspects of death.. n thanks again.. u r jus waay too sweet!
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Oh. This is a bittersweet poem that you have going on here. On one hand you have got some poor guy that is dying but also he seems to be going to his love that has already died. Lestways, that's what it sounded like to me. I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself here.
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wow
you never lost me not once it was realy great and i deffinitly loved it i liked the part about stealing the breath and welcoming death this is realy good and i totaly understand why u spent the points to get more reads -
I love it! Never read anything like it!!! Very sad..but soooo good. The flow of it is absolutely amazing. Keep it up! Hope to read more like it
The One and Only...
~Lynn Jones
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This is cool I like it a lot. The Rhythm, and the broken sentences are rally cool
Your eyes fixated
upon her calm face.
A dying man's final
distant gaze.
With a tender kiss,
she steals your breath.
Your broken, pained body
welcomes Death.
This is my favorite part. I really like how the rhythm changes to quicken the pace. Awesome
Sam
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