I told you that it was over
I saw your heart shatter all over the floor,
I wish I did not do it,
But I cannot go through it anymore.
You stood before me,
What more could I possibly say.
I knew how much I had hurt you
But no more could I be led astray.
I said sorry and I meant it
But I don't think it would make things change.
I hurt you and I know it
But there is nothing that I would rearrange.
I am so sorry my Love
But I just cannot go on living this lie.
I know we have such good times
But this time I have to say goodbye.
But then I wake up
And realise this was all a dream.
It is still something I have to do
To stop the heart and the soul scream.
A contest entry
- Round Contest! Round 1 of 4. Everyone welcome. by FightOffYourDemons.
350 points, ended June 11, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm depressed, your depressed, write me something by Burnt-Angel.
300 points, ended June 17, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Craze Contest by angela.di.carta.
550 points, ended June 29, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♪♥ Stand where I stood - Song inspired CONTEST ♥♪ by Rebekah-Ann.
600 points, ended June 25, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dating -The Breakup by Violinstrings.
550 points, ended June 27, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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ouch. that sucks, to know you still have to do it, although you already just experienced it once ina dream. i like this poem a lot ^^
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Very Good!!! A real heart break, for sure. Making the decision to do what you know you must, for your own well being, is very hard. But, actually coming up with the courage to make it happen, takes even more.
Very Compelling
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WOW!!!!!!! yeah it takes a lot of guts to get out of somethings...I can relate to the feeling...Actually my friends pushed me to get over it....and made me realise this pain was not worth it....GOD BLESS U and I hope you do the right thing.
Susan -
wow! this was awsome! i loved it! I love the stanza:
"I said sorry and I meant it
But I don't think it would make things change.
I hurt you and I know it
But there is nothing that I would rearrange."
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Ew, this one hurt. It makes me think of one of my poems. "Knowing it's over." The heart breaking on the ground is almost exactly the same image. Very intense, well written poem.
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it is realize not realise but it is still good
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This is such a realistic and to the point piece.
It says everything, and doesn't apologize for its straight-forwardness, and I like it a lot!
M -
wow, coming from where i've been this is a really great poem for someone like me at this stage in my life... *applause* keep on writing please, i absolutely love your work as specially this particular poem... again thanks for writing it mwah!!!
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This poem has me crying and sobbing and crying again! I know exactly how you feel and you took the words right out of my head.
May your heart heal and things turn out sunny on the other side of this darkness...
Very well done! Thank you for entering!
All the best!
Becks
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This puts out a really heart-felt message, I know where you're coming from. It's all very tough when it comes down to what's best for you and what's best for them
good write
-GL in contest -
Tough one... If you dream it and then wake up to find it's still an issue, well then yes, sounds like something needs to be addressed.
I personally wouldn't look focusing on it as an act of hurting but as simply revealing the truth, whatever that may be. The hurt is secondary and will have to be dealt with so.
Not sure if this is a personal write or not but this is what it points at for me, and well expressed it all is.
Good luck in your contest.
Sol
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I like the feeling in this poem. I really do, I can tell you feel it, or if you don't you know how to fake it.
I like the poem and the flow but I think it would be alot better with out the last stanza, it was really abrupt and kind of jarring. It messed up the flow and the whole story and feeling for me.
That may just be me but that's what i really think.
"But this time I have to say goodbye" would make such a strong ending.
And I really do get where you are coming from, but you do have to do what you have to do you can't let someone continue causing you pain, ridding them from your life may seem unbearable but it is short term pain in comparison to the pain that staying with the person will cause the both of you.
Thanks for entering my contest, love Nikki. -
Sad babygirl, very sad. Don't know how much truth there is in this for you, but if there is some I hope all is well now. Or, as well as you can be. If not real, then it's just a really good write.
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The ending caught me off guard. Pleasantly surprised, none the less.
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I wanted to give you the mamimun stars for your stunning poem but only two came up, not sure why!!!!
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"Breaking up is so hard to do" but so necessary to stay true to your heart's promptings. Dreams help one see what the heart wants.
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I like the way you ended this... you are a very good poet and I enjoy reading your work. Excellent!
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Ooo...
Very hard hitting and so damn true, You are sorry for hurting them, but they never believe it. The glossama veil of "if they were sorry they would work it out"
Why is breaking up so damn hard.....grr
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This is very sad, but its something that grasped me because I can really relate to it. I can tell it came right from within you. I think you did a great job.
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this is very sad..reminds me of stuff ive went through.very very good poem thoug
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Ah yes a very difficult situation. But in the end you must follow your heart and everyone fears better in the end. I always found it easier to move on when someone was completely honest with me even if it hurt more at the time. I think the last line is good because it shows that nagging strong urge where you have to do it to bring peace to yourself. Well written.
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i saw this poem on saturday night...id just been dumped and was just guna go to bed...so i scribbled ur name and your poem on a piece of paper and said id revisit it and read it
im here now
i cudnt understand why she left me...but i now know the kind of pain she went through.
i love this poem and if i had a top ten list itd go at number one.
keep up the writing and i hope everything goes well for you
Maney
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Very good, smooth flow, tight rhyme....great job! The subject is one that I think is universal. Look forward to more!!
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It is tough, when our love fails us and we try to repair what is broken. we keep trying patching here and there, but the pieces come apart again. we must acknowledge that it is broken, can no longer be repaired. it hurts, but to keep living the lie, also hurts, so decision to be made. All the best to you, my friend. May love and happiness find you.
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This is a sad piece which suggests so much about the circumstances involved. A sad piece which flowed smoothly. An emotionaly sad piece yet beautifully expressed.
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Incredible... all your emotion, alive and painfully flowing... though in a dream. Great and powerful write, Vanessa!
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I actually love that the heartbreak is set in a dream. Our subconscience so often speaks to us when we are sleeping and reinforces what we have too do in the waking world. I think the stanza's are well constructed and flow well. Its the inevitiablity of the break up that really makes this poem strong.
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Goodbyes can indeed be painful, but sometimes that's the only thing that can be done in the best interest of both parties. The worst is when it's over, but the goodbyes are never said. There comes a time to put it to rest, so life can resume.
. Rewarded 4
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What a wonderful poem =) I was actually kind of disapointed to find it was just a dream because that means the deed still needed to be done and she would have to relive the pain once more. I believe it's better to end something that is a lie, though, instead of just continuing it, even if that means someone gets hurt. If it were just to continue the person still holding on would just be even more hurt in the end...you know? Very good poem
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What a relief discover it was only a dream!
The initial scene is too sad, dramatic. His heart 'shatters all over the floor'...it is a very strong imagery! Poor man.
Thanks to give such a beatiful end at the history.
Nice poetry.
Bye,
Gioia -
Truely a heartfelt work..touching to its extent of love ..bringing the depth in the emotions and pourtraing the sentiments which are beyond to the control..a wonderful work is here...
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Having to hurt someone is such a hard thing to do!! I've had to do this myself...
I felt the emotion and regret in this.. but also the need to do it and get it done!!
This is an excellent write!
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Ooh! very strong and emotional, I was drawn into this and quickly wanted to get out. A profound write that touches the core of humanity. My best wishes always.
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A heart felt poem dear Vanessa.We can no longer stomach, what is happening now, though we were close, affectionate, caring each other. They evaporate like dew, without being aware. A heart felt emotion here, enough is enough. The match is over we depart shaking hands with each other, each has done their bit to outwit other..emotionally packed poem..thank you
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So dramatic, so heartfelt, so real,
the "heart and soul scream."
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deep and just felt this coming from you darl..
sad but so well written
CIn
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