Curtain rose slowly...upon eternity
velvety deepest hues violet, indigo mood...
alone, center stage, blue light traced hands pressed palms down, whitened to bare arms, round shoulders, short blue black curls.
Deep voice barrel-chested rumble
eyes, hands to heavens…
“ African birth, named for misted mountains, where night air made clouds...
morning rains, bright sun burned fire in ancient treetops. Set birds singing, insects humming, men walked trails for meat as fathers, fathers before and before…
“had fat happy children, woman whose smile raised sun
closed clouds covering moon, loved me like rock of the world,
covered me like salty seas, made my rest.”
“ village, family, friends … love…”
“my skin, color of rich earth,
strange men came … stole my life,
wrapped against will over troubled waters, stranger men; named “boy”
life ran like spilled water…gone to day's ends, beginnings, always gone…”
“ Oh Lord…tell me …why”
white light shone, pain erased kiss of grace,
angel's face appeared upon shoulder
“ journey was dear, child …but your seeds have prospered, placed
in greater fields, where children of your breath grant forgiveness…and feel the warmth of your love…in freedom”
gladdened face to heaven,
“Thank you …Lord” … curtains closed.
Author notes
Now for judging... no longer over the limit
A contest entry
- Curtains - short stories by MariGoes.
700 points, ended June 4, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Phillis Wheatley believed that slavery halted heathenism, introducing Christianity;
"T'was mercy brought me from my pagan land
Taught my benighted soul to understand
That there's a God, that there's a Savior too
Once my redemption neither sought nor knew..."
I too have a poem on the site that does not paint slavery as the atrocity that most believe it was. True enough slavery was a horrific ordeal for all who were under the thumb of press. Out of the onslaught of slavery, an entire culture was defined.
You might enjoy reading my essay; "No Offense Taken". I'll have to unearth it somehow. I removed some of my works then, my PC crashed... I have yet to recover my hard drive.
Basically, the "slavery" issue is one we wince at because of pain.
I LOVE THIS SCENE! I see this scene, feel it with chills from toes to top of head...
“ journey was dear, child …but your seeds have prospered, placed
in greater fields, where children of your breath grant forgiveness…and feel the warmth of your love…in freedom”
That is happening now with Barck Obama. I cry with the fact that an African-American male has leaped above the norm. Grasping hold of that brass ring that was far too long out of his/her reach. As a female I feel the same about Hillary Clinton, that ring is there for all of us now.
I will accept flogging...I must quote Michelle Obama because her words are historical;
"I am so tired of fear...be not afraid!"
I will wait patiently till the other scenes are posted.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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Renee-
First thank you for your wonderful comments, scholarly and insightful...I don't share the view that the diaspora was beneficial in some philosophic sense, only in the reality that it happened, so many centuries and millions, and seeds were spread all over the world, which now seem to take on an importance that will shape the direction of the world in many ways...but in fact, that has been true for a long time; but the view is somewhat better these days...
I thought this would be four scenes and as many broadly different situations, so we will soon see,
'with the help and strength... and if the crick don't rise'
...thank you ...PK
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I just realized the similarity between this African way of telling a tale and that of some Native American ones I was reading the other day. The value of the earth, of nature, the symbolism that it holds for them. Unfortunately they also share a disruption of their lives by outsiders.
It is certainly an intriguing way of looking at injustices done. I really like the humble supplication at the end, a simple, "Thank you...lord." It gives the piece a feeling of religious faith, faith in the lords plan. One must really believe to accept this explanation I'd think. The tone is quite good, narrative is intelligently and skillfully written. I'm quite sure in less able hands this would not have had the power and beauty it does.
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It never occurred to me that this might be offensive, sounding as a supplicant or submissive; but there is that risk...I did not intend to suggest that Africans accept slavery in exchange for a divine plan, slavery was the theft of lives, people were held as if imprisoned and worked to the end of their lives in America, even their children were enslaved. They didn't believe in any good from it all...they were held under pain of death.
The scene is as if the man talks to God about the injustice he suffered, there is no justification just the flow of history...from slave to free...So thanks for the great comments, i will need to write this idea more fully, with a better sense of philosophy and moral condemnation of slavery...PK -
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I wasn't suggesting that it was offensive, just that to accept the wrongs done without question and for the reason given would take great faith and trust in a God and religion.
I did see it as once the reason was given, it was understood and accepted. But accepted that his travails weren't in vain for despite everything you mentioned in your comment above, in the end, his descendants were able to forgive (or begin to) and make something of that suffering. Still that takes faith.
Yes, write the idea more fully, it will be a worthwhile read. It's that darn host's fault for limiting us to 200 words.
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Nom ou Guerre, celui que vous vous preferez
I know it wasn't your intention either, it is a risk of the narrative itself...and i would add more words to cover my lack of skill
unless i get creative and do it without adding...really a line or two would do the trick...again, thanks for your most helpful comments it is beneficial to consider these points for improvement...PK
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Oh this was just amazing I loved the imagery in this piece!
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Yesterday I read the poem African Cry, written by a Mozambican poet José Craveirinha, and this story of yours made me think of that poem (still in translation).
You have a poetic prose here, using a strong voice mixed with the bows of poetry.
I liked how and to what that curtain rose.
Thanks for this non entry (getting so many non entries that will not be much over to judge).
Very fine read h
v^
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Mari-
feel free to go ahead and judge it, it is now under the limit...h
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Wow, you have literally covered so much space and time in these few words, I hardly know where to begin to comment. The picture of Africa, of life, as it was created to be was so perfect and simple. The beauty, and the bonds stood out so strongly to me, and then to have it snatched away, an horrific tragedy. Yet you find purpose in the hardship and loss, and state it so beautifully through the angels words. I am reminded of the scripture, "And my God shall work all things together for the good of those who are called according to his purpose." That is not necessarily an "overnight" promise, but one that often takes a while to be fulfilled. And only faith and later, hindsight, becomes its spokesperson. Your character here seems to have come to an understanding of deeper meaning and purpose. He has found his attitude of gratitude which is not based upon circumstances, but upon understanding. Blessings are not only realized, but recognized.
Beautifully done.
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Thank you Ten-
for your wonderful comments, this is something i have wanted to write for a while, so this contest was right on time...yes biblical, spiritual... the justice of all things upon all things; i think spirit has power in all of our lives...in some ways not dependent on what we believe...thank you so much...PK
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