I'm inclined to agree
With your palour
Something's not right
There's a fog in the room
We're not talking now
Just using semaphore
In the hope it will be seen
In the smoke
Pointless flags
Evoke a shadow
Words a few letters short
Hang between us
Like stale cigarettes
Or a band with no tune
Conducted with hands
Long eaten by moths
I want x-ray vision
Now more than ever
A contest entry
- A Few of my Favorite Things For Tara by Randomly Beautiful.
1500 points, ended May 30, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Yes, words are crude things...
And the place where you struggle to communicate
A suggestion? something that gives me a speed bump. Conducted by hands (gloves? maybe) to keep the metaphor unmixed... -
Not waving - but choking.
An evocatively penned observation piece with images that bite. I didn't read it in the context of the contest - it slumps on its own two seats. Superb writing.
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I'm inclined to agree
With your palour
Something's not right
There's a fog in the room
....
In the hope it will be seen
In the smoke
Pointless flags
Evoke a shadow
Words a few letters short
Hang between us
Like stale cigarettes
.............
Nice one Steff = Stephanie
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A fantastic piece of poetry. The signals were not lost in the smoke and the flags wave on. Best wishes in life and the contest.
Peace in light and love
Noah
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This has a flavor to it that I like. It is intense
and different To me that is always good.
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Je suis confused. Sorry, Stephanie X doesn't mark the spot for me. Love the concept (I think) this fog bound room with poor communication but......?
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thanks for being inspired & entering the contest..
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I like this piece. However, I am not sure which of hers inspired it. Love the last two lines.
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