Don’t you dare say you love me;
we both know it can't be true.
I feel it in each time you shove me
towards the floor – you made this of me.
Oh, my dear, how I hate you.
It seems you love to see me cry.
I guess it’d kill you just to care.
Well maybe you should try -
oh, I’d love to watch you die,
to justly laugh at your despair.
How I wish I could forsake you,
the cruel dejection you bring.
You’re in my head – I cannot shake you.
With my blood, I vow to thank you
for a life filled with woe, with suffering.
You see, I’m terrified to breathe
in fear you’ll roar with some disdain.
Could I find the courage, finally leave –
tell me, why must I believe
your looming threats rfo untold pain?
Do I dare run away?
I cringe to bear each word you’ve spoken.
Should I throw your “love” away?
Would it cure or cause dismay?
Do I dare leave my heart so broken?
Author notes
*POM Contest*
The theme is abusive parental love, and the fear and hatred surrounding it.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1750 points, ended June 3, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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ALthough grammaticaly inkorreckt (lol)
this seems to have the quality of a tear-streaked child pounding away as fast as possible on an upstairs keyboard for a message to push out to whoever might care...
So based on that fact, and my rampant imagination, you won't lose too many points today.
If you need help, get it.
You really didn't offer any hope in your write, so I'm just assuming this is somewhat true.
So like I said, seek out help, and you will be better off.
Title: 9
Theme: 8
Flow: 9
Impact: 10
Rules: 9
Creativity: 9.8
Big Bang Moment:8.5
Grammar: 9.5
Quality: 8.75
Poignancy:9.35
90.9 Final Score
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Hi and welcome!
This was a very good write, unfortunately you didn't read all the rules and its jam packed with the banned words, taking away much of the challenge of this contest. BUT its still about great poetry in the end... and impact and depth fill in the gaps of where this goes wrong for ME...RULES
....uncommonness...theme (I have seen a lot on this subject).
People will read this and connect with it on an emotional level...to me that is a huge measure of how I personally rate my own work.
That all being said, I think there should be more of a connection within your poem to your theme. Your authors notes pulls it together (too much). (And I feel you would need very little to make it more clear)
Hope to see you back again, your flow was good and this is thought provoking...Great job and good luck!
Jamie
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Hi and welcome to the PO contests!
One of the things I try very hard to do when judging these contests, is to read the poem a time or 2 before looking at what the intended theme is. I really did not think I would find a surprise there, as the theme seems obvious...except for the last line, which had me a bit puzzled. Your first stanza ends with “Oh, my dear, how I hate you.” and your tone throughout is very angry, so how leaving would break your heart stopped me short, asking...broken hearted to leave what most definitely does not sound like love? Then came the author note...and it suddenly made perfect sense. So many of us think of parental love as guaranteed, even though we know there are numerous children abused every day, whether physically or emotionally.
So....with all that said, I would love to see some kind of clue or clues in your poem that would tell me this is about a parent. Without that, I think the theme is seemingly more common than it is. I also think that info, given early in the poem, would give your last line tons more power and impact.
Beyond that, this is very light on imagery but still easily related to...or maybe “related” isn’t the word I want...more like empathize with. If this is a personal write...I’m so very sorry, and wish you peace, strength, and courage...
Other areas of your poem I looked at will be revealed on my scoreboard, coming at the end of the contest. Thank you so much for joining us, and I hope you’ll return in the future!
Best wishes,
~J.
P.S. I have 5 chinchillas right now...2 are babies...if you ever do have a chance to get one, they are great! (Yes, I looked at your author page 
)
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Hi, and welcome to the POM contest!
Theme and POM in AN..good start..but you've used the banned words 'to', 'of', and 'the' several times in your write, which will deduct a few points in the "RULES" section.
Your title is quite clever..a twist on a classic..and compliments the content well. The theme is not really very unusual or unique, however, you've written of it with some style. Good depth, IMO..I can feel the tension in your attitude from the words and phrases you've selected. Because the subject is a sad one, it does leave a lasting impression and has some 'impact'.
My only real problem with this write comes at the very end, with the three lines all ending in (?), and the last line is shallow compared to the whole poem..This softens the whole tense feeling that had been building throughout the rest of the write, causing it to lose that punch we like to call the "aha" moment.
There is a typo in line 20 which spellcheck should have caught. I believe the word is supposed to be "of"..which, of course, is banned..** otherwise, Grammar and punctuation fair well
All in all, a good, solid write. Best to you in the contest.
My scores will appear with final remarks.
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented -
Abuse is a common theme, unfortunately for many. But I feel each person puts their own imput and emotion into their write - which gives it a uniqueness. Emotionally none are easy to read, and I think you've done well to be able to write on this theme.
You used banned words, and I think the flow of this could be better. The title fits the write, but I feel you could have a stronger one - just not sure what....
It's hard to critique a personal write like this....so, I'll just say best wishes and blessings to you in dealing with this.
best wishes in the contest..
*Remember - no editing once a judge has commented.
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Superb penning ~
I am not sure I have seen your quill here before....I think once before???...so welcome, and thank you for joining us and sharing these thoughts ~
I had to read this aloud to my Partner, and all he could say, was....Wow, how sad ~
I agree....this is a Theme which has to take cneter stage to have someone finally listen ~
Yes, this Theme has been done numerous times, and we always like to see freshness from our Poets quills....however, you took hold of me and did not let go......and that to me, is the way you get recognition from your entry ~
Standing ovation in southern CA ~
Ok....on the flip side of that coin....you have brokem the Rules of Filler Words several times, and this hinder you score a tad.....but not much, as the other areas I look at will help out some ~
Always try to take the advise of your Reviewers, as most of them are very familiar with the PO' Contests, and they will only help you to win, not to hinder your write :)
There are several other Judges coming behind me to take up slack in areas I have looked at, as we can not all look at every single aspect of your write.....so.....I wish you the best and God bless you!
Grammatical issues and Tone are things which you need to look at....your other judges will all have some incredible advise for you.....hang in there!
:)
This Theme you have chosen is common, but with the help of your heart, you have rekindled its' flame to brilliance.....well done,
Bear ~
Title 10...perfect to me -
Flow 9.5
Depth 9.7
Theme 8.5
Feelings 9.95
Grammar 8.75....simple, yet affective...some isssues with incorrect spelling..4th S, 5th L *of*....which should have been lef tout :) -
Presentation 9.8
Uncommonness 8.0
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.85
Ability to follow Rules 9.0...lots of banned words from the Rules -
Bears Score: 93.05
Great job!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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I agree with the previous comment.I fell down on the rules last time and they are very strict.Good luck to you.A forceful poem that shows the pain caused in abusive relationships, Ros
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A wonderfully penned piece, Beautifully penned. Although I would say the theme isn't uncommon. I do suggest you re-read all the rules before the judges come, or your score will suffer. All the best in the contest
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