From behind filthy windows
diseased faces
peering,
their hollow eyes daunting me,
their twisted grins taunting me,
their angry snarls haunting me;
they chill me to the bone.
From behind filthy windows
diseased faces
peering, watching—
sallow, sullen, sickly faces;
broken, barren, battered faces;
weary, writhing, wretched faces;
faces so alone.
Through strangled sobs they cry my name:
“We’re the same! We’re the same!
Won’t you join us in our game?” they plead
in desperate, begging tones.
From behind filthy windows
diseased faces
peering, watching, pleading—
with woeful eyes that search my soul,
watchful eyes that seem to know,
lying eyes that claim to know
what’s hidden in my soul.
Frozen, I stand staring back
at steely eyes so dark and black,
at sagging faces, hanging slack,
sliding from their bones.
And as I stand there contemplating
just what next to do,
a chorus of voices softly groans,
“We’ve been waiting here for you.”
From behind filthy windows,
among a sea of diseased faces,
I peer
and watch
and plead
and wait
for other passersby.
Author notes
This is a bit of a departure from the style in which I typically write. I wanted to put together something different, and I came up with this. Though I have employed a mixed bag of techniques here, the astute eye will see that there is actually a very rigid structure to this whole piece. Let me know what you think.
Enjoy!
Mike
Written December 26th, 2003
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Bundiba!
I say, good show lad. I am very impressed by this. -
Now i love how you painted this vivid but tolerable picture in my head which i really was gettting into you have a nice way with your words and the way you use the detail in your words to create what i see in my head...it just all works together...lemon.
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excellent
ooh, me likes alot, makes me wonder what the disease is? should the last line maybe be "for another passersby." ?? just a sugestion. excellent write. bookmarking it.
~Kate -
good
Very good, nice detail. -
Rich and Eloquent
This evokes thoughts of Poe - rich in imagery and darkness, with an alliterative tonal quality. This is a fantastic write and a chilling read. Very well done. -
superb
Beautiful writting, i have never read another so camptivating. the variety of literary divices were so well used. I almost got chills. as i read each line it was as if i wanted the end so i know how it turned out but then i didnt because it was no plesuable to read i didnt want it to stop -
8/10
Well, I agree with you that most of this is very structured. The rhythm is present until the last stanza. It's only the last stanza that I have any problem with, the rest is practically perfection. It definitely made me want to keep on reading, until the ending, then it lost my attention. -
Another eerie, well structured and wonderful write, Michael
Actually this is very real, I think, yet like a nightmare or a scene from Outer Limits. I love the twist at the end, leaving you a part of the croud behind the window, looking out. This is one of my favorites of yours now ..gonna promote it! Excellent work!!
Dee
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Thank you, Janet, for the kind words.
But don’t sell yourself short! I’ve read much of your work and I think it’s very good. And any good writer can learn to be a great writer by simply devoting himself (or herself) to the craft. Which simply means read, read, read, and write, write, write! That’s the only way to improve. You have a lot of talent, and with a concerted effort you will reach your goals.
And I’m honored to have been an inspiration for your new name. I think it fits you nicely, too.
Now I’m off to read the poem you mentioned. Take care.
Mike
Edited on Feb 17, 1:06 p.m. because ''. -
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Okay Mike. You know what? You make me want to learn. About structured writing that is. I pick things up subconsciously from my reading here I suppose, but you actually make me want to make a conscious effort.....then I think I could never be this good. Don't worry, that doesn't matter to me.....my best and my Love is all I'll ever have to give.....and that's good enough for me. I've resisted seeking the knowledge thus far partly because I didn't want to become a fussy so~and~so (know it all), and partly because I like writing from my heart, and forming somewhat of a structure around that. I do have one write that I really had to sit and think in order to create.....I'd be interested to see what you'd have to say about my piece 'The Secret Chamber.'
Anyway.....this creation of yours is completely creepy, surprising, and sheer perfection. Nothing less than I've come to expect from you.
Thank you for your inspiration. After reading you sometime last month, I came up with a new name for myself.....I think you can guess where half of the inspiration came from.....
~ ~ ~ ~ Love & Blessings, Janet ~ ~ ~ ~
Edited on Feb 06, 10:08 p.m. because 'error, duh'. -
all i know is i'm locking my windows and pulling my curtains together...sheesh...nice little twist at the end there too *shiver*
i'm not sure my eye is so astute to catch the rigidity of the structure, but i can certainly see a little pattern there, well done -
you really leave me speachless after reading your work!
as your daughte says it really is like reading steven king. (another masterful amn of his time) you are just awesome. -
Another masterpiece! Great write, nice word choice, too. Keep penning one stroke at a time.
DAWG -
Never did comment on this one, did I? I remember reading it, must have slipped my mind. Anyway, good poem, Dad. Really painted a picture for me. Keep writing, on get on AP more often! I miss reading your poetry, and I'm getting bored of reading the old ones over and over. . .
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i really liked reading this so easy and fluid and it hung together really well and changed right at the end into little tiny words that changed from the faces peering at you to you being one of the faces that peers out.nice twist. very clever the way you use words and rhythm.
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Brilliant is an understatement. Very clever tone, voice- thought. There is a lot of depth in this piece and it sank right in to the core and made me think. This made me think of so many things, but mainly I had an image of during the holocaust where jews (and a few other groups) were sent away...The ghosts of their sad souls still lingering behind windows..Just a thought I had from the imagery here.
Damn fine writing. MUCH applause
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This, I must say, is a brilliant pice of poetry, but thanks alot! I was already afraid of faces peering in my window! Have a great day, keep writing.
trust in ravens -
wow
It's dark, but I'm not quite sure I understand it very well. Sadly, I'm quite naive. But I love dark art. So I think I'll probably enjoy your other pieces too. So, I do really like it!
-Lenaya -
Must you torment me with your writings that leave me glancing over my shoulder, yet breathless with suspense? Keep writing, I enjoy fear.
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