Am I invisible?

Am I invisible – do you see me!  Do you see me hurting.  Do you see me wanting?  Does it even matter to you?  What the hell are you about – what unfortunate series of events gave me you as a mother.  My skin is what you see; my soul has no meaning or relevance to you. Your closeness to another human being is your need, your hunger, and your short – term high.  I am your daughter – I love you for being my mother, for being! I don’t like you for your unemotional ties, your self-centeredness. 

So now, I’m the parent & you are the child; tables are turned but I feel sadness, a horrible loneliness for things lost, for things too late to redeem.  I’m still the little girl inside, still crying for my mother but you’ve gone away.  Walls are around us both – I’m beating on my wall mum, what are you doing on yours?  You see me as an enemy, someone to lie too, someone to talk about & be angry at.  When I see you, I see you as yesteryear – not much has changed, except…now I’m the parent & you’re the child.

Let the wall down quick & this is what I’ll scream…don’t leave me, don’t leave me & love me for what I am, for what you created.  See me, see me, see me, see the kind person I am, the loving child I am, the needy child I am, the child crying in the dark – needing you, needing your assurance that you’ll love me & never leave me.  AND life goes by, days, weeks, months, years & one day – I turned around & saw a middle aged woman, lonely & angry & taking care of you.  I’m trying mum, I really am trying to be what you should have been to me but it’s frigging hard & some days I succeed & some days are failures, for me!
Anon