He only likes me when I got the stuff
He only wants me when his life just isn't good enough
The longing isn't him
I just wanna go swim
And I don't wanna be alone
When it suits him,
He puts me on a throne
He says he's only happy when we hang
Even though I don't give up the tang
That line can never be crossed
Even though with him, my mind is lost
He provides adequate company
God, without him I'm so lonely
A contest entry
- Calling ALL Poets! ~ A Poetry Extraveganza by Shassidy.
475 points, ended July 18, 2008, 84 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
This is a great poem! I really like the emotions and rhyme in this, it all works really well for the poem. I can relate to some parts of this, like "The longing isn't him / I just wanna go swim / And I don't wanna be alone", so for that reason, those lines are my favorite part. Some of the lines don't have a lot of flow to them, like lines ten and eleven, so that could use a bit of revising, but overall it's good. I like the way you opened the poem using your title in the first couple of lines. However, I think the title is a bit clichéd, but it still works with the poem. Great job and good luck in the contest!
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