dear mary tarmac mary,
two roads diverged in the wood and I
am always, always drowning.
in the shade of oolong tea
across your hair, in childbirth,
in blooms of oleander.
dear mary if it were me,
I would've gotten that bastard
aborted.
--
dear mary whisper mary,
here's the truth:
I hate the key of D-flat.
too many compressions,
too many hips that gods
would rape but never
make love
and the staff lines leave
no room to hide.
--
dear mary sun-full mary,
somehow I feel like
I am talking to
myself.
--
hey!
I said hey.
can you even hear me
way up there?
--
dear mary duct tape mary,
I am always full of questions. like -
where does the riptide
go to die?
who actually killed goliath?
how come god keeps
running away?
and why
can't anyone
find me?
--
dear mary,
the coral is draining of its
color and the sun won't stop
hiding behind my fingers.
we are frightened, mary,
of burning, of churning up
the trumpets that
choke us.
and no, you don't know
what heaven is.
no, heaven is in the eyes
of the kraken that swallowed up
my faith and spat it back out
into darwin.
mary, what a whore.
sincerely,
the sea
--
(p.s.
I hope you are burning these letters
because I'm scared
of your baby boy)
Author notes
prompt: the song Runaway Train by Soul Asylum [assignment one]
it reminded me a lot of how, as a child and a god-fearing catholic, i used to pray and pray for mary and jesus to save all the sad people in the world
and nothing would ever happen.
i should give credit where it's due. i just read this (amazing) poem by -foreverandever called "letters from the church roof" and got inspired to use that format.
sorry.
*[i couldn't decide on a favorite. lizzy decided for me.]
In a list
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 8: Underdogs vs. Newbies (Round 9: Top 6) by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended June 5, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TI8 - Round 10 - Top 4 - Finale - Assignment 1 by Tangled Angle.
1400 points, ended June 15, 2008, 4 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critique:
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
GeeZ!
I just like this. Its creative and different with a form that I may try someday. Its already got some metal attached to it. So, that means it must be pretty good.
-
How come I never read this?
This ties for my favorite with that prosy one you wrote, not about shanghai but the one (sort of) to him and sort of not.
I have nothing to do at the moment, so I am allpoetry stalking you. Also, I don't leave enough comments telling you how much I like to read your work. -
Really like this.
The only one I didn't care for was the 'hey! i said hey' one.
I think this is one of your strongest. I really like the direction you took the piece! -
You had really great lines, but as a whole, I didn't care for the poem. Each of these would have been good separate, but together, the effect was weak.
-
"dear mary sun-full mary,
somehow I feel like
I am talking to
myself."
brilliant. seriously. i love your heresy poetry. i tried to write heresy poetry once and it died a little inside me.
-
PS. Not crazy about the repetition --
but otherwise, pretty good.
-
wow, this is pretty cool -- definitely different than your usual. it's great to see you're doing something different, experimenting; even if it is basically echoing someone else's style somewhat, but i dont see anything wrong with that considering this still feels like a poem that you wrote.
the questions here actually worked, in my opinion. the set up of this was cool - like a stream of conscienceness [sp.?]. Definitely different, one of my favorites of yours in the competition. Dang, the entries are so good this round.
-
oh gosh so yours is so much better than mine
your words are just
perfect
perfect embroidery
i love this
a lot
win win win win win
-
-
flatterer!
...aha, thanks.
-
-
niceee. that's all i can say. i liked the line "who actually killed goliath?" for some odd reason, and the line about gods raping.
-cassidy
-
Wow!!!!!! this is absolutely fantastic, honestly I'm so happy I've read this
Love the
"dear mary if it were me,
I would've gotten that bastard
aborted."
bit, that's so ironic. Also like how the way you call mary changes throughout the poem, and how you speak from the perspective of the sea writing letters. I love all, and I mean *all* the imagery, the repetition, the vignettes. The part when you repeated "hey" sort of made me think of Linda Perry's "What's Up". I really enjoyed the conversational tone. The allusion to Darwin is very well placed and i completely love the post scriptum... somehow ironic but somehow very raw and honest. Makes me think of an ex-Christian atheist who doubts their ways... which would be kind of like the tide, to relate it to the metaphor. I love well applied myths/religious motifs in poetry, and you've done that very well. I love this.
-
Aah, I love this so much.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
