Every night I awake from my slumber
Ending those scenes of magnificent wonder
A new day dawns and with it I ponder
If I am meant to forever wander
I can think back and see
A younger happier me
Someone who seemed so free
Underneath the old oak tree
Feeling loved and held in a tight embrace
Traveling further into shared space
A being of love and infinite grace
Those feelings now I cannot trace
Now I look at myself and am ashamed
Why would I not allow myself to be tamed?
I can feel the wound in myself , I am maimed
Though my heart and love she has claimed
Maybe someday I will find myself again
Maybe loving will not seem such a sin
When I can find my souls twin
However until then…
I will know that when I awake from my slumber
After dreaming those dreams of wonder
The new day is here and I will not ponder
I understand that I am not meant to wander
I know now that what I see
Is that younger happier me
Begging to be set free
Forgetting the past is the key
Waiting to feel loved in a new embrace
Sharing with someone all of my space
Looking again for that being of grace
To see those feelings on my face
A contest entry
- Quickie- Closes After 15 Entries by Touchof1der.
700 points, ended June 4, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very niceley done, know all of those feelings all too well. congrats on the gold!
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Forgot the applause!
Paul
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Enjoyed reading this after the MOMD sent me the link. Let me give some personal thoughts that are my own quirks and preferences in rhyming poetry.
I like the thoughts and the way the thought progression moves. Nothing wrong with that. When I read rhyming poetry, I really enjoy having it move and flow to a steady rhythm and meter. Thus, the sharp contrast between the line lengths in stanzas one and two is just a little distracting.
The rhyming is generally pretty good with just a few places where it looked like the rhyme interferred with the syntax or the thought. The repeated rhymes aren't bad at all although I like to see a definite link between the stanzas when that's done.
Rhyming is always a challenge - to do it well, and it takes work and more work in most instances. Good job on this - perhaps just a little crafting in a few spots would be well worth while.
Pau -
Maybe a tad bit too much emphasis on the rhyme but the sentiments are well expressed. By the way, I've done the same thing a gazzillion times myself. Best of luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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See I'm not the only one that thought this was good and although some think this rhyme to be easy I find it hard to get right and it reads very eloquently nicely said.
Cyber Artist
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Well now dear poet, this was very nicely done with such deep thoughts and concepts that were presented in a most fascinating and intriquing manner. You have accomplished a most difficult feat here. Keeping this in such perfect rhyme alone had to be quite the chore. Something I don't think I could ever accomplish on my own. You deserve great reservation for this. Good luck!
TxCowgirl
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First of all let me focus my comment on the content alone. The thoughts conveyed here are deep. I can feel a lot of personal reflection going into this piece, an opening up of one's self, revealing things that perhaps are not always pleasant to see or admit and even painful to a degree. I like your honesty. Another impressive feature I see is the immense work you have put into creating an easy flowing rhythm and rhyming scheme that maintains the emotion of the poem without making it sound cheesy. That's not an easy feat. You possess a wonderful talent and express it well. Good luck in the contest.
JLG
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This is truly impressive. I sat through more than one reading because I wanted to feel your words deep within my bones... if that makes sense.
In my own crazy way of thinking good poetry has a way of vibrating and that vibration is felt to the core of one's being. Regardless of the topic, be it happy, sad, romantic, scary, etc. it leaves the reader smiling with satifaction because it has filled a hunger in the depth of ones soul. Thank you for sharing your words with me and best wishes to in all of your endeavors. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use dear poet. Good luck in the contest! 
♥ Touchof1der
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