in loneliness
i search for
personal evolution
with prayers
to nobody,
letters scrawled
by memory
on the backs
of my eyes;
the words
dissolve into ink,
slide down
my throat
and hit life
inside arteries.
crowds isolate me-
a solitary
creature stranded
in the mists
of humanity like
a man in
the gallows
and painted-on
faces pass
like premeditated
condemnation
until i hang myself
from seemingly
distant dreams.
after all,
i am a visionary-
if i was only
a thread in
the intimate
weave of rope
surrounding,
i'd be even lonelier,
lost among tides
of unanimity
and the souls
of the unknown.
Author notes
Teen idol 8, round 9.
assignment #2.
the song is Mad World by Gary Jules.
yea, i changed my name back too.
edits- 5
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 8: Underdogs vs. Newbies (Round 9: Top 6) by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended June 5, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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i agree greatly... i like to think of myself searching for an evolution of my conciousness in loneliness but i feel like for us these might possibly be congruent concepts maybe not you could clarify.... i would also like to say that your poems on your perspective of yourself and society are some of my favorites of yours regardless of how others feel i hope you should never quit writing these....
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I didn't like the 'after all' - I just don't like that phrase in the middle of an otherwise really well done piece.
And it seems I disagree with Chase and Tyler, I appreciated this piece and enjoyed it. -
At first, I was feeling this poem, but by the end, I was bored & looking for the internal rhyme. The last stanza was very weak. It really needs work.
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stanza 3 was my favorite. nothing else really was a stand-out to me. The poem itself was good though, and I felt the sadness. Not crazy about the line breaking.
Overall it is good, but generally, probably one of my least favorite of yours in the contest. Even so, this is still good. -
this is saddening.
although, i love how you brought back "loneliness" from the opening in the last stanza, and the short lines really add to the solitary effect. && it's very, very pretty imagery.
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