The action went deeper than we know,
but we didn’t mind the constant bickering
and barrage of taunts and tirades.
We were stronger than that, we’d throw
caution to the wind
and lose a decade in thought,
and dance.
We were lost in happy memories and darkness,
contradictions that didn’t add to anything in particular
except our growing sense of loneliness,
from each other and ourselves.
The godless children, spiritually free
or is that free of spirituality.
You were never really mine.
Regardless, we ended up missing
somewhere in time and space, a constant threat
to the fabric of something we didn’t understand,
Or never thought to try.
We stay distant.
We stay here. Apart.
Distance doesn’t make anything fonder.
A contest entry
- Unrequited by Chelsea Void.
525 points, ended May 31, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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You write beautifully, but I found the capitalization of each line distracting from the point of the poem. Because you have thoughts that run over multiple lines, it would read better like this:
The action went deeper than we know,
but we didn’t mind the constant bickering
and barrage of taunts and tirades.
We were stronger than that, we’d throw
caution to the wind
and lose a decade in thought
and dance.
We were lost in happy memories and darkness;
contradictions that didn’t add to anything in particular
except our growing sense of loneliness
from each other and ourselves.
The godless children, spiritually free,
or is that free of spirituality?
You were never really mine.
Regardless, we ended up missing
somewhere in time and space, a constant threat
to the fabric of something we didn’t understand,
or never thought to try.
We stay distant.
We stay here. Apart.
Distance doesn’t make anything fonder.
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Thanks for the advice, its a bad habit of mine I must admit, my computer does it automatically and I forget to change it.
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