the depth of flesh
is shallow to the touch
and holds no place for love
the flow of blood
runs too rough
to carry loves frail lungs
gasping for life
Gasping to breathe
Gasping to breathe life
the density of bone
solid and strong
holds no emotion
to feel love grow
to grow love
to grow into love
The beating of a heart
set to the cadence
of love's serenade
Anxious to bloom matrimony
anxious to bloom happiness
Anxious to bloom.......at all
Author notes
Still needs work,Please point out what needs work.
whats your opinion about it?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Whoa cool. I like it, very unique word choice. I'm not sure I would change it. I think poems should not be altered much from how you originaly written.
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I liked the unique style..it made me stop and chew upon it...
If I re-wrote this...it would be with a lot of air,
taking away the repetetive nature of the poem.
floating it...so the reader could lightly sail upon
each word and thought.
many ways to connect it streams, rivers, mountains,
screams, whispers, fills and releases...
your ending should connect with the beating of a heart,
and love's serenade.
the structure is good...just play with it, sometimes,
I too have to step away, and I re-edit it the next
day!
ears/granny
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Thanks,but idk,I was in a weird style earlier when I wrote this,I digg it tho.
I ended it like that for a reason.
Not my best but different.
Thanks for the comment.
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Excellent
Wonderful creation. Great use of bloom on so many levels. Thank you for sharing.
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The title had me expecting something different - but that & your screen name should have clued me in to the mix of emotion & body parts. An interesting write - I like the direction it took.
. Rewarded 4
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awwwwwwww
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Thanks bro.
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a great start so far bro
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