On the slab
I lay
as you examine
picking me apart
bit by bit
jotting notes
after each peek
at my being
The joints need oiling
and it appears some
wires have been crossed
The memory bank needs
some updating
a few lights have burnt out
We need to pound out the dents
and retighten the bolts
This model emits too many fumes!
One optical scanner
is missing
and the voice box
is cracked
The voice recognition system
is unresponsive
I don't know how
but the hydraulics are out
and the fluids are on low!
Hunk of junk!
All you're good for
is making toast!
I might as well scrap you
and rebuild another in the morning
You must have forgotten
to flip my power switch off
and as the door shuts behind
you do not notice
the liquid seeping
from the one remaining
optical scanner
With all my defects
you seemed to have
overlooked one thing
that my motor-heart
runs perfectly
In a list
A contest entry
- Robots by PsydewaysTears.
1000 points, ended June 4, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rusting Machinists by Dorick.
300 points, ended July 13, 2008, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This was an interesting and well-constructed poem. Congratulations on the gold!
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thank you
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Very good, I didn't expect to like this, the way it started. I ran through it pretty quick till I hit the one liner at the end, then re-read it slowly, catching on to all problems you've translated into malfunctions.
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poor little toaster buddy
I love the seeping optic scanner visual.. very depressing. This poem's great 'cause it makes us all feel both the victim and the villain. Anybody who's ever been replaced... and anybody who's ever wanted to throw something old away. It's a very very human, robot poem. good job
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Another Sulfane referral ... heheh
I like beeping as well, but may conflict with the separation it seems you have created ... but perhaps 'tone' ... as it could relate to voice or body ... robot or human. ... sounds a bit awkward though. meh.
Thoroughly enjoyed your musing ... full of robotic dysfunction tilted well with the more human aspects.
Nit-picky here, don't pay close attention ... heheh ... but you may want to watch your spelling a bit. It didn't take anything away for me, just it may for some.
Glad she sent me this way, this was totally different from what I've been inundated with.
Steve
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yikes!
oh wow, i didn't realize how manny spelling errors were hidden in this!!! I should have made a game out of it! haha, jeeze, thanks for the keen eye!
Also, thank you for checking out this piece and for the comments! Its really nice to get awsome feedback from other great writers!!!
Thanks again for everything!!!
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Remarkable
this is fantastic. i liked this alot keep up the good work !!!!!!!!! -
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Thank you!!! Im glad you enjoyed this one
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wow i do agree with the two girls below me. sulfane sent me here and i is very glad she did. its impressive and inspiring and emotional and amazing...want me to keep listing?
hehe awsme
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Haha, im so stoked that sulfane has been sending people my way. Thank you very much for reading and for the awesome words, its really nice to have people give feedback!!!
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I think this was fucking brilliant [excuse my french]
Girl below sent me here - I'm glad she did. It's impressive - smooth flow and emotional in hat robotic tone. It's just amazing ~
Well done
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Haha, thank you! i am definitely glad she sent you here!!!! Thank you very much for reading and for the awesome comment
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-NAWR-
Unbelievably this nearly had me in tears!! You have such a unique and smooth flow to this. I adore it.
One suggestion - not sure if it is serious or not yet but in the last line of first stanza, I read it as
"at my beeping"
Not sure which I though felt more 'real' in this. But apart from that, or even with that. I really found this to be one of the best pieces I have read in awhile.
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Oooh!
Thank you for your wonderful comment! I do like your suggestion and Im sort of torn between the two now Being is a little more human-like whereas beeping is definitely the robotic aspect thats fits the piece. Gonna think about that one for a bit!!!
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