I poured out my feelings, you crushed them, how nice.
You are my weakness, unleashing my vice.
A hatred so deep so bitter, divine.
So deep and so bitter, and so very mine.
You could try to escape it, and wear yourself out.
And I can assure you, in rage, I'm devout.
A feeling past loathing, and dripping with sin.
You're out of my life now, should have never come in.
So, I hope I've drilled into your puny mind
How your fate with me you so greatly defined
So have a nice day, just wanted you to know
That I am not planning on letting this go.
Author notes
I am in an actually very happy mood at the moment, this just kind of came to me, and since I was recently able to come up with nothing, I just let it come, and wrote it down.
A contest entry
- Rhymed prewrites only ... by ecrivain01.
800 points, ended July 31, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Angry?!! Show me just how angry you are... by starving-to-survive.
1250 points, ended January 25, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I love it, you did an excellent job on this piece. the rhyming was not forced and flowed evenly through out the whole piece.
DBH
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Brilliant. The anger and pain in this is just amazing. Such intensity in your words. You are very talented and i am honored to have read this. I love every word of this. great job and thank you for entering my contest
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I like this write a lot (though I'd hate to be at the other end.) The emotions ring through, and the rhyming felt unforced. Nice job.
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I love this opening stanza:
I poured out my feelings, you crushed them, how nice.
You are my weakness, unleashing my vice.
A hatred so deep so bitter, divine.
So deep and so bitter, and so very mine.
it really sets the pace for the rest.. nicely done.
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Well ...
I'm glad it's not autobiographical.
Thanks for entering. -
Powerful piece. Enjoyed the rhyming, and the words drove your point strongly. I did find the background a tad distracting, making the words hard to read (I actually highlighted the words with my mouse to make it easier to read.)
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First off, the title of this poem is perfect. it definitely established the mood of the piece from the get-go.
I enjoyed the repetition between the third and forth lines; only changing the last part. It got your message across with powerful emphasis.
None on the rhymes seemed very forced. Good job with that.
The last line ended the poem well. Are you sure you're not really upset...?? ... because this was very believable!
Another great write! -
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yeah, Im sure, I was a bit angry at a few people, but not really... I just got bored, and started to freewrite a bit..
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A short write about a little anger to someone which I haven't read much these days; the theme was great and the rhyming scheme was fitting to the lines
Although, I wanted to point out if you don't mind ^^' that the 8th line, it should be "You're"
Well, that's all, actually since this was a good write, anyway! n.n
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