some songs sound like summer
memories of us looped in the chorus,
a familiar hand
lyrics we all knew.
we’d pull the cars close
to the lake,
letting the music strip us
the water swimming with naked muses.
you’d enter me as stars enter the sky,
we’d shine brightly, laughing
at the boys dunking the girls.
some nights it was only the girls
and the song about sex would replay
until we were able to laugh
at misfortunes, we’d give advice
we had heard in lyrics.
but when the girls needed
more drama to solve
you’d corner me,
a willing prey
making me jump through
the smoke ring conversations
until I got lost inside your lungs.
Author notes
(my choice one)
inspired by the song: hide and seek
point out what will make this better.
peace to all ~flight
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 8: Underdogs vs. Newbies (Round 9: Top 6) by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended June 5, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty
Comments
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I LOVE THAT SONG. :]
I like this poem all around. There were really good, personalized images, but I have to admit the poem just, I don't know. It wasn't an tight in wording as your usual for me. I still liked it though.
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loved this.
really, i love the song, and this is haunting just like the song is...
"some nights it was only the girls
and the song about sex would replay
until we were able to laugh"
isnt that the truth? because sometimes, all girls need to do is laugh about sex because any other way, you'd want to cry about how complicated sex and life can be. -
I would have liked the first stanza with just the first two lines, still it was nicely done.
Love the image of naked muses, very cool.
That last stanza is the strongest both in imagery and in emotion. Really nice closing. -
not sure about the repetition of girls and lyrics.
but even so, this flowed good.
the opening, i loved. the ending, i loved.
the middle connected the begining & end well.
i dont really have any constructive criticism.
i imagined this being read aloud for some reason, i feel that way with a lot of your poems actually. lots of personality and voice in your poems.
good stuff.
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