Perhaps the butterfly displays it best,
freed from its self-imposed sarcophagus,
that present life is merely but a test
of one's resolve to reach the glorious--
I might emerge transformed at end of rest
or shriveled, dying, viewed as piteous.
One chrysalis perhaps will be my tomb,
another sends me forth as from the womb.
Yet, have I strength to sever morbid ties,
and blood to swell these fragile, damaged wings,
no longer agonizing over "whys"
but choosing to alight on pleasant things?
My sarcophagus is cracked, I see the skies,
but fear may strangle hope that freedom brings.
Will I reclaim these locust-ravaged years,
or play the casualty to bitter tears?
Author notes
An ottava rima.
Samsara: Hindu/Buddhist name for endless cycle of birth and death (though in this case, not referring to reincarnation)
A contest entry
- Prewrites But NO "fresh" writes by ecrivain01.
450 points, ended June 6, 2008, 77 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Flow part 3 New - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended June 15, 2008, 51 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So You Think You Can Write by skyviewexpress.
600 points, ended November 11, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
-
it does almost have a sense of being reincarnated......One chrysalis perhaps will be my tomb, another sends me forth as from the womb.....gr8 read.....well written.....meaning well spent on the imagery sent to mental memory banks......kudos......love peace & harmony
-
Your poetry sings to me. The last stanza rings perfection "My sarcophogus is cracked, I see the skies. Hope is in the wings and 'Will I?' hanging in the balance.Flow and meter to the theme are the best. So glad to have you back.
-
-
Thank you.
This poem has become my theme for the last year and half, and I'm happy to say that this trying time has been one of rebirth.
-
-
Wow, this is strong and deep. Decisions can be difficult.
-
with all the other things my attention went to the line 'fear may strangle hope that freedom brings'..that is what we experience in real life...beautiful poem with serious thought
-
Beautiful and very impressive piece.
-
Excellent metaphor. Strong and lovely "self-imposed sarcophagus" and "life is...a test of one's resolve to reach the glorious."
Outstanding "One chrysalis perhaps will be my tomb, another sends me forth as from the womb."
Beautiful "no longer agonizing over "whys" but choosing to alight on pleasant things."
Great pro-active "reclaim these locust-ravaged years" counterpoint to the hopeless/helpless/inactive victim role of "play the casualty to bitter tears."
Lovely rhyming and excellent iambic pentameter. I thoroughly enjoyed this.
-
LOVE IT.
Your such a pretty girl,but you have a morbid imagination.great job
-
-
hahaha Thanks so much, that's sweet! As for the morbid imagination, I've been told that before.
-
-
Thank you for your entry in our contest. A beautiful poem with excellent comparison between us and the butterfly. The meaning is deep and thought provoking.
Congratulations on the HM, please join us in our future contests, we look forward to reading more from you...Sue and Jeff
-
What a wonderful display of true talent in this piece! A delight to read! True depth of feeling and meaning!
Frogz~
-
Oh my, what a piece!
Wonderfully written with a lot of depth and meaning
I truly enjoyed reading this!
All the very best to you! -
A very good write. Lovely depth of feeling and metaphor. Good flow, rhyme and tone. Nice imagery. A skillfully crafted Ottava Rima. Very nice iambic pentameter. Good word choice, alliteration and assonance. Well penned. Best wishes in the contests.
-
wow
your work never ceases to amaze me sis. this is truely great work. you have a great talent, i wish i could share in it
-
-
Thithter! Where have you BEAN?
-
-
Appreciation!
Thanks for this wonderful ottava rima contributed to The Poetic Bandits reading list
~Lilac
-
Brilliant!
I hope it gets its due. One of the better pieces I have run across in a while. Well concieved and carried out.
-
I like this thoughtful poem comparing the life cycle and struggles of a butterfly to human life. "Self-imposed sarcophagus" is a beautiful description of the cocoon(chrysalis). Interesting pondering of situational circumstances, and placing self into scene. Well done!
Bandits Rock!
Dennis
-
Your first four lines speak an absolute truth, in my opinion... a beautiful write, absolutely glorious, words that stick in my heart.
Thank you for sharing, and good luck in your contests
-
This is not a bad job ...
but the lack of the articles detracts a lot. If they were there, this would be virtually perfect. The Line that bugged me most is this one:
Sarcophagus is cracked, I see the skies,
which could be fixed easily by saying "The Sarcophagus cracked, I see the skies"
All in all, this is certainly a strong contender. The premise of the poem is well-chosen and the rhyming is unforced and well done. You should enter this in cricketjeff's "new" contest also. -
-
I shall edit. Thanks! And may I have the link to that contest?
-
-
Wonderful
The circle of life can be sad. You discribed it so well. I loved it. I am seeing what the punctuation could do for my poems, that I will be revisiting, thanks to you.
Well Done
MAXBOY
-
Excellent
Wonderfully written. It is amazing how those "locust ridden" years can be redeemed. I can relate to this poem. God is so good.
- joanne -
-
I'm not sure I've had the opportunity to read any of your work before, but now that I am reading, I am definitely loving it. You have a fabulous way with words that dig straight into the soul. I like your rhymes and how they flow from one line to the next. You also punctuate (sp?) your poems very well and that made me love it even more. I hope to see more your poems again real soon
--Tim -
Perfect
I see reclamation in your future
as the beauty surrounds your existence.
Hard to imagine that you`d be cuter
Lest humility would cause resistance
Lady extraordinare, sure not neuter
No shock that men in your sphere, do lose sense
Speaking for myself, my life is a mess
You remain with me as Queen Poetess
-
Have never written such a form of poetry before - also learned something new as did not know what Samsara was - first time I had heard of that too.
-
Hmmmmmm. An Ottiva Rima is based upon the sonnet form, as it has iambic pentameter and a couplet, but technically is not a sonnet. Since you did the work and I enjoyed it, I will accept it and wish you luck. Rules are for losers. Ha ha ha.
-
-
I'm sorry! I thought that I saw the ottava rima included in the allowed forms, which was why I chose it. OOPS!!! But thank you for not DQing me.
-
-
Nicely done ottava rima, good imagery of the cycle of birth and death. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 29 of 29
