She remembers that day,
the one she felt unbeautiful
Her body was a straight line
and theres not a curve to be seen.
But she's still carving out pieces
of her silken body.
She's intaking caffeine
but nothing else enters her system.
Her body doesn't need
much more to survive.
And as her figure becomes slimer
she passes up yet another
opportunity to fix what's
become her drug of choice.
[the very thing that'll destroy her]
It's the feeling of hunger
that helps her keep living.
The hollowness echoing
is just another reminder
of what she's strived so hard
to make herself into.
A beautiful picture of leg and skin
half painted by gloss
and covered in weakness.
Her body could give out
at any moment in time.
Her headaches could always
become to blinding.
Her vision could gray
when she's ready to see him
for the very first time.
But she's forcing herself
not too collapse at his feet.
She's just a simple girl
with a whole list of mistakes
and a conscience filled with tears.
But she doesn't depend on anyone.
No one will see her tears again.
She's spinning in weakness
by no one seems o recognize it anymore.
She fakes it off for exhaustion
as she swallows yet another pill
that's carving out her body
to the most perfect of shape.
Maybe one day she'll
push herself too far
but for now she feels[not]so perfect.
Thin is the new beautiful
so she's told.
She's dropping weight
all because of a pill
that helped her forget
[exactly what hunger means]
5-28-08
8 01 pm
Author notes
It's rubbish i know.
but im getting ahold of my problem again...we'll see how long it lasts without my getting hurt.
let me know what you think.
♥©
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Oh sweety.
Todays society has a very unhealthy obsession with weight and appearences.
I used to have the "condition" Bulimia. Most people treat Anorexia like it's a condition when it's actually a symptom of an underline depression, the same for Bulimia.
It's a same Obesity Isn't treated in a similar vein.
Sweetheart, I know you'll be okay.
You're a wonderful girl.
This is just heartbreaking to see.
Sophie.x
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Hey, thanks for the comment sweetie.
as for an underline depression thing, maybe that's what it is. idk. I usually eat less when im stressed. I guess you're right. that's really good you got through it, it's hard...i know.
one day, i'll be okay, i know i will.
but for now...idk. it's me.
thanks again sweetie.
[always]]
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I loved it. It was sad and I can sort of relate (this is, obviously, anorexia, and I'm bulimic, so I know how it feels if not the exacts). Beautifully written.
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well thank you.
im trying to get a hold of it.
but its addicting.
its my lifestyle -
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Same for me with bulimia.
It seems like every time I get to where I don't have to purge so much, something shitty happens and I'm right in the middle again.
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this is absolutely beautiful, sweetie... terribly sad, but beautiful..
and you and i both know that this isn't rubbish, nothing you write is.
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thank you baby.
i know you understand.
and maybe its beautiful and sad, but it's addicting and i wonder sometimes if we'll ever get past it you.
iloveyousweetie.
i know things have been hard between us lately, but i think we'll get through it.
always♥
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Babydoll, it's so much more than a crash diet, it's a permanant lifestyle, that's already broken down my body so much, but it's so addictive. So very addictive, but i need to clear it up a little baby, i need to eat a little more to prove to aaron that I love him more than starvation. Yet, it's amazing how that ache, is what i think is so damn addictive, also I think it's the control, after losing control over my own life, I never want to lose it again, So, I want to have the control to push myself to my limits.
Your work is never ever ever rubbish.
You're brilliant baby, and my bestest.
Iloveyou
like glitter&&glue
♥
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It's my lifestyle.
and the ache...it's my favorite part of the starvation. You're right...it is the control you have over what you look like. Tired and alive...and utterly beautiful when you see that weight slipping off so slowly, but it goes.
I love to push myself to the limit.
I'm so happy I dont have to prove anything to anyone, sure i'd like to get better some days...but again...it goes back to the addiction.
thank you so much sweetie.
iloveyou
like glitter&&glue
♥
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